Wow, what a lovely poem and interesting inspiration! Thank you for the explanation. I like knowing people's inspiration because it makes me understand the poem more as a reader.
I like how you built the suspense in this poem, it captivated me.
I loved the opening stanza - it was so beautifully written.
And I like the part when you said that you knew your mind wasn't playing tricks on you... I found that to be very relatable because sometimes we hear/see/feel something and think we're just imagining or something. I liked it!
Great poem! Well done hon :)
7 years ago
by Purple Rose
I thought that this was a very neat poem because of the story that it tells.
I have never encountered anything from the paranormal before, but I have always been fascinated with it. However, my mother use to have seances, used the ouija board, and all of that, so I have heard plenty of stories - something creepy always happened after she did that stuff :/ She also worked at the cemetery! How creepy is that?
I am glad that this ghost(s) was not violent. Violent ones creep me out the most, because you never know what will happen. Gives me chills just thinking about things that I have seen on TV, but I know that some of that stuff can be fake.
I think that it would have been pretty cool to hear this, because it seemed like it was going back in time. Hear things from the old days I guess - maybe a hundred years ago since it was a century old house.
This is soooo creepy Liz, but I lovedddddd that there was a movie playing in my head the whole time I was reading this..super interestin story but you penned it in an amazing way. You did great with the challenge!
Liz, I've been wanting to comment on this. It's awesome - especially how you said that in the message below haha. That really made me laugh.
"I curled up in bed between
my sheets and the moonlight
hoping my eyes would rest
with my heart,"
Really beautiful opening. It pulled me in to read this with your simple and lovely choice of words. I love how you tied together curling up in the sheets and the moonlight. Great imagery you produced in my head!
"but something is stirring
beneath the wooden
staircase which my
ears just simply can't
This is creepy.. I wasn't so sure about 'beneath' since it means underneath or below. I was thinking of a creaking stairs because someone (a ghost, perhaps) is atop or above instead of beneath it. Or it could just be me lol.
The use of two adverbs (just, simply) kind of weakened and disrupted the flow, so I suggest you remove one, since it is redundant..?
"Creeks are masked by a
pouring of classical music
which hums beneath
my bedroom floor."
I love classical music! The imagery that emanates from this stanza is excellent. I thought the weird creeking stairs was scary, but classical music? I'd love to live in that house haha!
The transition of events - hearing whispers, knowing that the house is haunted, feeling fear, hiding beneath the blanket - all flowed so smoothly.
It is everything we don't want to happen to us in a haunted house. It's like the ghosts/memories of them are coming alive at night, and the persona is witnessing them come alive again. You penned that so well. It's so easy to imagine all of those happening!
"I should be alone,
but it appears that
I love the ending; it is a creepy revelation which worked wonderfully.
Keep writing :)
7 years ago
My heart becomes stricken
with fear, so I cover myself
hoping the blanket would
shield me from these
-- this stanza reminded of the times when I used to hide under my blanket when I was scared... but now that I think about it, why do we think that the blanket would protect us? aren't ghost supposed to be invisible.. and they can go between the walls and sheets.. too.
It gave me chills when I was reading the poem, and also the image of someone hiding under the blanket was so vivid.
and the ending too " I should be alone, but it appears that I'm not." that adds a chilly atmosphere to the poem and as I was reading that part, I picture someone looking from left to right to see if she can see anything, other than herself.
Can I just say how much I frikken love this line? I'm in love with it. It's beautifully written and filled with so much raw emotion in so few words.
I adore your use of 'classical music' as I find it to add such a melancholy tone to the piece and that in turns again adds to the emotion behinds the words.
"The sounds draw close
and I know that my
mind is not playing
tricks with me."
I can't make my mind up on this. It -does- have power behind the words and yet..I find it somewhat weaker than the rest. Reword, maybe?
I LOVE the next stanza, it reminds me of when I was a child..I think everyone can relate to this..hearing things that go bump in the night and hiding beneath the quilt thinking this is enough to keep you safe. This also adds so much innocence to the piece for me, -because- of the fact it recaptures childhood.
I adore the closing lines also. You close on a powerful note while at the same time leave the ending open for the reader to interpretate as they wish, and I do love pieces that allow me to do this.
7 years ago
The ending gave me absolute goosebumps, ahh! You have such a beautiful and eerie build up, it could have been anything really but the classical music as well as the story in the end.. whoa. I've read this a few times now and get the chills every time!