Hey that was a pretty good poem. I have some advice for you on your poems but you don't have to use it.

Why don't you make the last word of the 2nd line rhyme with the last word of the 4th line.

Ex: I would give up my life
So you could live YOURS
I would make this sacrifice
So you could have MORE.

See? That way the words flow together and help the reader understand what your talking about.
*Thanks for the comments on my poems and keep up the good work on yours*

you have really nice poems i guess you are really into the meaning of life and the way poeople see us im kinda like that too lol.cool poems
later
me

okay...the flow wasn't rhyming, but it was good. I think that with a few rhythm adjustments you could really go places...rock on

You never told me you wrote! Shame on you! Jk. Good poem, though!

there is something about poetry that is sublime. excellent

thanx for the comment I really enjoy your poems

This is a very nice poem, but like some of the others said the rythm needs some work. The message is really good though.