Comments : My Version of Darkness

  • 11 years ago

    by Wild flower

    The title really caught my attention, its really an awesome piece. I truly love it. Great job..

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    Andrea...I always like your poems because each one is very different and unique to you...what I mean by that is...the topic is not the same and that's why I love reading your work...this one is no exception...

    Vermin remain
    hidden,
    as sweetened venom
    dangles from thine lips.

    ^^

    I have to say...thine doesn't go too well here IMO..I know your "lips'' would sound a bit wish washy but...poisoned lips maybe?

    Vipers slither
    as velvet withers,
    exposing a naked
    innocence.

    Rotted tears,
    hunted by scars
    entangled by violated
    tragedies.'

    Hunted by scars? did you mean haunted..not sure?

    An old soul tosses tails * Tails or tales??
    while dreams derail
    a scattered tongue

    Watching in silence
    as the serpent sneaks away
    into the night....

    Idid really like it...just some thoughts?

    • 11 years ago

      by Maple Tree

      Thank you Hellon, I'm glad you enjoy my pieces...and I'm very appreciative of your tips and helpful ideas.... again, thank you :-)

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Andrea, I think this piece is awesome, I sense you are describing how hurtful and poisonous words can be...and the use of serpent makes.me think.of someone unkind and who makes you feel uncomfortable.
    I may be wrong, forgive me but just what stands out here.

    Great work anyhow
    xx

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I think what I like about writing is that it often leaves room for interpreation. Your dark poems could be about so much and you word them in such a way that I find myself relating to them and pin pointing them to something in my life which it describes.

    I liked this one, I think you have such excellent word choice because you know how to pick the powerful words and manage to group them together to create such dark imagery. amazing.

  • 11 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    I agree, this piece is "awesome," very dark and causes internal shivers. Amazing vocabulary use with an equally amazing imagination, I hope. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Decayed

    Scaryyyy!

    U should write horror scripts for movies!!! :P

  • 11 years ago

    by Lioness

    You are certainly a queen of poetry. The dark images in this one are brilliant!!!

    Awesome, freaky

    x