You captured me unintentionally,
arriving at a late horizon where you
brushed past me with tender fear.
At first, I smiled with shyness and a beauty
you could not figure out nor fathom, for I blushed
like day's end and watched your face darken...
until we were walking into dusk.

-"brushed past me with tender fear" !!! wow, loved this line. Great way to open and draw the reader in.

I remember now, how well I relinquished
England's skyline so I would hold only you
high above my shoulders, yet these black
sores are from being loved by you.
What have you distorted inside your
mask?

- ohh so powerful, I liked the mention of the Englands skyline, very unique image to put in the readers mind.What I got from here was that you loved and cherished this person ( holding them high above your shoulders ) but yet somehow you felt pain and hurt by them and perhaps not loved as much in return ( Black sores )

Passion? Anger? Slander? Blame that I can't
spend my dreams teaching you peace?

- It can be so frustrating when you try to teach someone about a different way whither it be peace or something else, we cannot teach others what they do not want to learn.

I thought you would paint change on those
lonely skyscrapers we broadened,
yet you've betrayed lips
once wrought upon a blooming rose,

and I won't taste your thorns, another moment.

- loved this bit, the idea of the blooming rose and then the contrast of the thorns, such great power in this metaphor.

~

Beneath your untarnished canvas,
concealed deep within your blue sapphire eyes,
is a truth I dare not speak of.
From the day we saw our first sun rise
I opened my wings not knowing if I would
fall or rise, you were my wind-

you gave me the strength to open my heart
once more.

- I felt from this the uncertainty of whither to take a chance or not, not knowing whither you would fall or not but then you let them become your strength and you take the chance. Also by adding the end line here of " opening my heart once more" suggests that you were hurt by your previous experiences and had closed your heart off, yet this person managed to show you a way to open it and let them in.

You think you can hide behind your painted mask
beauty, elegance, even innocence.
Should I blame myself for leaving my heart vulnerable?
All I asked was that you love me, unmasked, ready to fly
among stars and create a beautiful sun...
not an everlasting rain.

- The power just keeps flowing witht he imagery and metaphors in this poem, I loved how you used nature to describe your thoughts and pain. Also shows what we all do as human beings ... blaming ourselves for things we did or didn't do.

As our last petal falls, I stand impaled with these
ink-less tattoos, always a reminder of how you deceived
my defenseless heart with your beauty

and destroyed it with the hidden beast.

- Great imagery of the last petal, because if you picture a rose or any flower with only one petal, it is full of pain and ache, but when that last petal falls it is the end of that flower. Powerful image to have in your head.
- Liked the ending, and the idea that this persons outer beauty overlooked their inner beauty and was actually 2 very very different things indeed.

Great job to both of you on this one.

Wow... wow...
you both penned something beautiful ! - really, amazing!

Interesting poem and a good job on the collaboration, they aren't always easy to do!

I liked the ending, which sums up the poem well. Each person has a good and bad side, so to speak, nobody is one-dimensional and this can often lead to relationship break-ups, broken friendships etc and in this regard the reader was able to relate to the point you are trying to make/ the duality of the character. The title suited the poem well, and was clever too as it in a way subverted the happy-ever-after film that one automatically thinks of.

On a more negative side, I felt that parts dragged a little: for a long poem, after reading it, not many parts stuck out in my memory. Some sentences are a little forgettable, as is often the case with longer poems, but I have the feeling that come next week, I will have forgotten about the poem. Maybe that's a little severe, but it lacked a certain sharpness to make the reader sit up and take notice. Also, some words are unnecessary and to more to detract from the poem than add to it in my opinion. For example, 'could not figure out nor fathom' - figure out and fathom are essentially the same thing, why say both?

'I would hold only you
high above my shoulders'
^^
I would leave out the word 'only' here. Only you sounds a little cheesy, or soppy. It is obvious that he can carry only one person on his shoulders without having to explain it.

'As our last petal falls'
^^
I was a little confused here, the petals came out of nowhere, where did this petal come from? I know it is probably symbolic, but it comes out of the blue and the reader is expected to get the metaphor without making an effort to build it or integrate it with the rest of the poem.

I may sound a little harsh, but little things like this throughout the poem bring it down a little for me. It has potential and is a good effort nonetheless, that's why I'd like to see an extra bit of effort being put in to clean it up and elevate it from good decent poem to very decent poem.

Stellar!

This was kind of hard for me to get into as you definitely can't just have a quick read through. I've read this now three times and finally feel like I've "sunk" my teeth into the poem :)

"I remember now, how well I relinquished
England's skyline so I would hold only you
high above my shoulders,"

I love this. The wording, the images, the idea. This is really one of the pieces that has stood out for me every time.

This piece is so beautiful and descriptive, I feel like I'm reading images that I've seen before. The two of your styles have meshed really well here. I can kind of pick out pieces I think might be MA's pieces because I know her work well, but the two of you together just flow really, really neatly together. Awesome write, guys! :)

A beautiful and intelligent write, I loved the choice of words. 5/5

mandy :)

Just wow!
You two mesh well together and made a wonderful collab!

I want to write a better comment but at the moment I can't... I will come back!!! :)

This is a beautiful poem, you two. I really like this. It almost seems like for the first part, the 'Beauty' was talking, and for the second, the 'Beast.' I like that :) However, I might just be imagining things, and might have taken it completely wrong, but I like to think of it that way.

'Beauty and the Beast' has always captivated me. I like the story, even though it is sad on some parts. Of course, I only know the Disney version, so I don't know the whole 'story' - Disney has a tendency to make it so so that it is sugarcoated (they don't want to creep out their young viewers). I am sure that the original version is probably a lot darker than what is portrayed.

Anyway, excellent job you two. I think that this is beautiful, and I like it just the way it is :) Sorry this is a little late...time is of the essence, and I don't have much :/

Excellent
5/5

~S