Comments : Wall Of Grief

  • 11 years ago

    by Vortex

    Im sorry for your lost
    I can feel your pain and sadness
    your words touched me

  • 11 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    This is really a sad piece. Its not easy losing someone, i have gone through that and it was heartbreaking, all we can do is be assured that they are in a much better place than this wicked world. Sorry for your loss and what you are going through.

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is so sad, it is so touching because I think we have all felt this way about someone and lost someone we love this much.

    The pain is just indescribable sometime sbut you have done well here to pen the emotions inside of you and the longing you have for even the smallest of things such as their hand to hold onto.

    I truly connected with this poem, I was so close to my gran and felt like the world stopped when she died. keep writing, let out all the emotions.

  • 11 years ago

    by AngelDust

    I built a wall, too when my gran passed because I think that if I let it fall, I'd fall with it. This is a very sad but really heart felt piece. Your use of wording really made your heartache stand out. There's just some things we don't get over and certain things we do to stay sane. Brilliant write as always.

    Danika.

  • Firstly, my uttermost condolences. It's never easy saying goodbye to those we love and have lost. Never.

    Secondly, an amazing piece. An absolutely stunning tribute filled with raw, heartfelt emotions.

    A few suggestions:

    Only I know you don't want me to be sad
    You want to think of what I've got and not what I had
    ^^
    I think the second line should begin with 'I' instead ...? Not sure, but to me it doesn't really make sense in my head. hmm.

    You were there when no-one else wanted to know
    And because of that I can never let you go
    ^^
    I think you should add a comma after 'of that' -- I think it needs a slight pause for effect

    You are special and precious I keep you in my heart
    But it is so difficult now we are apart
    ^^
    In the first line, again I think a comma or even a semicolon perhaps is needed after 'precious'

    Memories are a blessing but they hurt to recall
    Since you've passed on I've built up a wall
    ^^
    Again, I think a comma is needed in the second line this time just after 'passed on'

    Besides that -- WOW!
    The flow and pace of the poem were flawless, and your arrangement of words is suitable and effective.

    Well penned. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    This is so emotional and full of grief... It is always sad to lose your special ones and this one just made me cry for that matter cuz I actually could feel your sadness and loss.. Your words captivated me
    Brilliant dear... Stay strong:)