Many endless thoughts keep torturing my mind. It's as if my happiness has been pulled out of me & there's nothing left but staggering pain. I feel as if my dream filled visions of a castle I had built in the sky is starting to collapse. More & more I feel defenseless & fragile seeking out for my own strength. I strive to control the frustration & realize my depth of mind is nowhere to be found. My confidence is quickly fading away & my wisdom has betrayed me.
I find myself alone & isolated once again, as I sit here with a heartbreaking letter in my hand. I am unfocused, paying no attention to the rest of the world; I begin to belittle my self-esteem with tears of sadness gently falling from my eyes. In the silence of darkness, I can only see myself in the silhouette that drifts on these four walls. This confused deliberations keep me trapped among the endless throbbing that I feel in my heart.
Profoundly within my soul, I try to regain a little of the hope & faith that I once possessed. My beating heart aches in so much sorrow & depression. I struggle to push the depression away & get lost in my footsteps. I feel so distant from everyone around me but only because they don't understand my sadness. Although it's not them it's just me, my heart still hurts knowing that you are not coming home. It slowly destroys me inside as I continue to comprehend the reason why. At that moment, I swear I just wanted to die because it seemed as if my heart as well as my soul was piercingly taken from my chest.
I am not sure what my destiny holds for me now, because the assuring light that had once shined down on me has casted a shadow. My unbearable heart feels cold & hollow with no intentions to carry on. My insubstantial veins are now missing their purpose to move about my body. My weak body arises in front of a mirror & I sadly observe who is before me. It barely appears to be a familiar image of me since this confused deliberations have taken over me. Where my smile used to exist is no longer recognized. My heart beats different now; my sighs are of hopelessness, the sadness in my eyes can't hold back the tears anymore. My restless nights are endless; my mind is just full of thoughts of you.
Sometimes I can't find the motivation I had at one time because my biggest hopes & dreams have been put to an end. Even if it takes some time I know little by little I'll recuperate my inner strength. I do need you to know that I am not mad at you because I can't BB. Since the day I told you my true feelings for you I am seriously staying devoted to you until the end. I adore you so much, I care about you dearly, but most of all I love you unconditionally. There's one thing I know for sure is that 'no one' will ever take your place as long as my love remains in 'your heart & soul.'
You have a plan for me to finally come see you in July; it definitely is going to be one unforgettable day for the both of us. Can you believe that in three more months it will be a year that we met? It's hard to believe how time flies but one thing is for sure I don't regret the day we were introduced to one another. Like they say, "everything happens for a reason" & we may not know why but I am so glad that we met. I am one lucky girl to have you in my life & I will treasure your friendship & love forever. BB I am always going to be here for you because these feelings & the love I have for you will never leave my heart or my soul.
Baby there is just 3 things I ask of you; one is never stop writing to me, my other one is to never stop loving me, & my last is never ever doubt my love for you because I really do love you. I am sad at times but I will be ok BB as long as our love keeps growing strong. I miss you more & more with each passing day, week & month. I really hope to talk to you soon because your voice strengthens me & makes me smile.
Baby, I need you to know that you are never alone because I am here with you. Even though we're far apart but you're always in my heart. I am here to stay with you... Always & Forever!
