The peace,
O peace,
the fruit a heart can't eat,
bitter,
wth bad smell.

^ 'with bad smell' I suggest you change that into 'and smelly' .... This verse is brilliant! I loved it so much.. and have said everything about this fake peace everyone promises us with. !

Awa, thanx i will do that@Abed

Honestly man
the 1st few lines were out of the ordinary, not to fund of the way you ended it! but I truly do like how it started
5/5

Thanx

Powerful short peace with volumes of truth in every line. Well done

I enjoyed reading this poem. Very good.

This is beautiful! You are an amazing writer!! So lovely to read!

Really enjoyed reading this. It is something I'm not used to reading, but found it fun. I liked the imagery and details you utilized throughout.

This poem has great potential. The format threw me off a bit as well as some of your wording. It felt unnatural. I do however find it refreshing that you are trying out brevity here. It is powerful and deep.

All the commas' in the first few lines were a bit distracting visually. You could, with the first line, say

"The peace:" or "The peace-" or "The peace."

It was unique comparing peace, this abstract idea since it does not always have a physical form, to a fruit. And taking almost a cynical side, a disbelieving side that there is no sweetness found.

"Drained by the hatred"

- Comma after hatred? Also felt awkward saying "the hatred" and in the next line it is almost made more personal as you have carried it. Maybe you could say "this hatred".

"Hatred I have always carried on my shoulders,
something I wasn't born with,"

- Oh I liked this idea of not being born with hatred. We are born with love, to love. But why then do we have it later in our life, why does it follow us? Good thought here.

"it's what I have given birth to after 12yrs of living a happy focused pregnancy life."

- Thought you could also spell out "12 yrs" instead of abbreviating to make it more formal?
- "happy focused pregnancy life" was an extremely awkward phrase in my mind.

Possible revision (just a suggestion though):

"a happily focused life".

You really don't need to say "pregnancy" since you are already making the hint of giving birth to hatred now, and that symbolism is already there.

The ending lines were almost morbid in my opinion. I like how there is a sense of maturation, of foreboding, but also a sense you have aged enough to know that as much as one would like peace to be everywhere... realistically, some places will not see it for many many years to come. Maybe past our own life. It takes time. It also made me think of the belief that there will always be war. Whether physical or internal.

Wonderful poem to read, very thoughtful! See, I think you have a brilliant mind and perspective on things, but the way you connect each thought is a bit shaky and not as strong in its form of conveying. Again, this is just my opinion. I have much to learn and am only trying to give what I can. I don't believe there are "rights" or "wrongs" to a poem. Just giving my input.

I like this because all you want is peace and the way you find it here is death good write here p&l midnight sky

I love this piece my friend. It's reality based and I like the honesty in every word. Hate I have always carried on my shoulders,
something I wasn't born with. My friend, there is so much truth in these few words. None of us born with hate, it's something that we inherit as we go through life. If we can empty our hearts of it, this world would be such a better place. Good job on this piece.