Comments : Untitled**

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    Nice one... very gloomy...I could relate to it and visualize the same:)
    typo on stanza 3: 'an' extraodinary and not 'a':)
    As for the title, i suggest 'lingering thoughts'...i hope u like it:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Nice piece full of emotion. I have some points:
    'running through my mind' sounds better if it reads 'dominating my mind'
    'an hour' should be 'per hour'
    'of fear' sounds better if it reads 'of fears'
    'all for you' can have two meanings, either 'in favor of you' or 'all because of you' so you have to clarify.

    This aside, this poem is great if it's some repairing, and it's up to you.

    I suggest the title to be 'Dominating thoughts'
    Good luck
    Khalid