Comments : Unforgotten

  • 7 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    I love how you structure this poem the first lines make me think about searching for hidden treasure where it doesn't exist. The next lines are more powerful because you're saying that even in the grave there's emptiness. Your ending is superb because you're summing your thoughts up by saying that no heights or depth can bring relief.

    Very sad and emotional write... I love it.

  • 7 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    Wow, I really loved this, GREAT job, I can't wait to read more fo your work, this was outstanding, straight from your heart

  • 4 years ago

    by Em

    Phil, I really liked this in all it's emotion because it's beautifully written.

    If you dig to deep you'll just find the bottom
    Of the place where u sit to be unforgotten
    The walls will crumble on all of the sides
    but its your place to lay and your place to hide
    A very powerful opening with a message that says eventually we all go to the Same place and get forgotten anyway no matter what we so in life, I feel anyway.

    Your in a place where the sun makes no shadow
    the grave may be deep but it feels all to shallow
    the moon will hit u in the middle of night
    gone in an hour and way out of sight
    Another powerful stanza and I feel it means that even in the grave you'll be lonely and I don't mean because you're alone in there.
    middle of night
    I feel here you need the before night.

    if u climb high enough you can see whats forever
    sad as hell to sad to be clever
    the wind will whip you and shiver your bones
    and even in company your alway alone
    A powerful ending that says no matter what we're alone.

    The only thing I can think of is you is 'u' then 'you' I suggest that you change it so they are all the same so they are all 'u' or 'you'

    All the best, Em