Mel- You just took me to a memory I havn't thought of in a very long time... its one I tried to forget, but also it took me to the good side of that beach moment... even though it is listed in one of my all time "failures" in the realtionship saga of my life... ha ha.... so thank you for sharing this piece... It affected me deeply... now: onto the poem

Your word usage was so darn creative that I could taste the salt in the hair and feel the comforting moments... Its a sad piece... for I feel the sorrow undertones in your words, but it also reads like a romantic day on the beach.... just a wonderful write all the way around!

I love the theme of beaches so much Mel, so many memories, so much nostalgia. Everything comes to life but looking back on this relationship brings such sorrow to the heart. This poem reminded me of looking back to that place on the beach where you spent your youth or childhood with someone important in your life....realizing things about each other- photography, the clumsiness of each other, calming fears. Amazing imagery here....the senses just take everything in. Very melancholy and deeper than I even know.

Take care :)

This is so gorgeous! I'm absolutely in love with the starfish part, you were searching for something beautiful with him yet your fears of getting hurt often stood in the way. I love when you find someone and just be you & they make you feel so at ease and youre able to trust them and no longer fear love. Very creative, makes me wish I had as gorgeous of beaches as you do in Australia. Love often grows so wonderfully in such places, incredibly romantic. Knowing your love for art I adore the images of the jellyfish & starfish, of which hold amazing symbolism. This may be a bit sad yet you bring it alive with sooo much beauty and emotion. LOVE IT.

Beautiful! You always have a way with your words that is so uniquely you!

"while I was searching for
starfish in tiny rock pools you were distracting
my fears by holding my hand. "
^ This has to be my favorite part. I could just feel the love there. A single hand being held is so powerful in taking you to a place that erases any fears or doubts you may have. Just perfect.

"nesting in the salt bitten curls of my hair"
^Ahhh the imagery here! I just pictured you on the beach hand in hand with someone with curls waving gently in the beach breeze. Beautiful.

This is just... so unlike your normal poetry lol. The topic is totally different, and I don't know if this was intentional for your assignment, or if you've figured out a way to make it fit what you need exactly.

I feel like this is definitely more directed at a friend instead of a lover.. though it could definitely be either or, just the... softer side, rather than sensual, maybe?

I so love your usage of tap dancing here, I think it was a really playful way to express movement. I also really love the way you said bitten curls.. that was so interesting. I like how you brought out some odd flaws (ish) that you were told by this person.. I liked the clumsy part the most.

The line about your mind being tangled in every poem was really important here to me, it was definitely my favorite line throughout the entire piece. You write in metaphors, symbolism that really means something to you, your life, your relationships - and so of course your mind is tangled in them. These emotions you write are also a part of you.. but to be tangled in every poem makes me think that you keep replaying memories you've already penned to perhaps keep them alive. And to add that it's tangled isn't always a good thing. Tangled hair hurts. Tangled minds in sad poetry hurts even more than knots.

I love how you made me think here, I took so many different thoughts from just that one line.

I can also picture two little girls in bathing suits searching for sea shells on the ocean together. SEE how many different things I think here? Lol, I love this poem!

Once again I'm intrigued and once again I am left to ponder....I do love both of these traits in your poems...

We'd meet with shells and a camera,

The very first lines makes me wonder that you are two very different people...you are inquisitive and the person with the camera is some sort of visionary?
toes tap dancing over bluebottle jellyfish and
my desire to have closure with every moment
I'd stand. Your eye for photography was always

My desire to have closure really got me wondering? Was this some sort of romance you knew was distined to finish and...although you felt it deep down you were still reluctant?
clearer than mine; while I was searching for
starfish in tiny rock pools you were distracting
my fears by holding my hand. You said I was
clumsy, mind tangled in every poem, sand
nesting in the salt bitten curls of my hair. There
was something about loving you on beaches.

When you say you were searching for starfish and this person was holding your hand...obviously they cared about you falling and hurting yourself and yet....they spoil that by saying you're clumsy...

Obviously you are old enough to have starting writing poetry so....I don;t think you're a child here?

I don't know...maybe a failed romance because I don't think it's about a friend/parent.

Just my thoughts once more haha!!!

Sorry if my comment is confusing to you but...you wrote this as one verse and I tried my best to place my thought in amongst it all :)

I love the way you described so intricately an experience of a time allowing the reader envision it so clearly like watching a home video of their past memories.
I believe that is what a true writer is all about, being able to allow the reader to be able to see a description so well in their minds it feels like a memory they have had or link to a memory they have had and cherish, it takes true talent, one that you have Mel!
Well written
5.5 from me

There are no words to describe how much I adore your opening in this-immediately you've managed to capture so much vivid imagery and the mentioning of shells makes me think on little children playing on a beach. It gives me a content feeling.

"Toes tap dancing" I feel it would flow better with "Tap dancing toes" only because everytime I read it in the original way I trip over it.

My favourite part has to be where you mention you are searching for starfish and yet the person you're talking of is distracting your fears only by holding your hand. Such a small gesture can make the world of difference to every single person and you manage to capture that feeling so wonderfully here whilst keeping the original innocent tone of the piece.

"Mind tangled in every poem" ahhh!!!

How do you always manage to phrase your words so artistically?! I LOVE the imagery created here, it makes me picture someone who is confused about the right path in life thsy should take and are unsure of where to go, which is the correct destination and their mind is in knots trying to choose.

I really can't make my mind up on your ending line..It -is- a wonderful closing but I don't think it holds quite as much emotion as you've portrayed so far.

Again..probably way off with everything, but as I said to Britt..it's MY interpretation :)

Oh my goodness, Mel. You have become one of my inspirations in writing, I am completely serious. Your flow is gorgeous, and I don't think any one else could've said what you wanted to, better than you did here. It's short, which is what you wanted, and the simplicity is what makes me love it so much.
"while I was searching for
starfish in tiny rock pools you were distracting
my fears by holding my hand."
^ I just can't, I literally can't explain the nostalgia I get, and I'm not even that old. This is amazing.
Keep writing..

Beautifully written.
I love the metaphors and the hidden emotions within it.
Very different then many poems I have read, but so well written. I like the tap dancing on blue jellyfish, really elegant. Great job.
5/5

OMG, Mel.

You should help Lana Del Rey in writing songs. Her soul and your writings match perfectly.
Many things were said above. I just want to say: PERFECT.

A beautiful piece.... I like the way you share a sweet and small memory giving it a vivid imagery and the picture seems so perfect here... I liked it... :)

I recited this because it was simply awesome.

Lovely imagery and emotion crammed into a small poem,

Easily my first nomination for this week.

Oh my gosh.....within 10 lines this managed to choke me up at the end. . Here you described something so beautiful...the scenery of the ocean, of you taking pictures of creatures in the sea, the way this person stood back and observed you...I smiled. Then that last line. It brings so much sadness because its clear you are no longer with this person and this was just a painful memory.

You said I was clumsy, mind tangled in every poem, sand nesting in the salt bitten curls of my hair.

^^ this is what makes the poem sad. First of all, I love salt bitten curls...oh my god I feel like high fiving you because that was just phenominal wording there...but second of all, the quick snippet of "mind tangled in every poem" showed this person really knew you. The true you and your true emotions....which makes the thought of them not being there even worse.

I loved this piece. Youre amazing.