Comments : Disapear

  • 11 years ago

    by Aubrey

    Not my best...I'll admit...but I tried...maybe I will rewrite it

  • 11 years ago

    by NobodyKnowsItButMe

    Sad poem, well written!
    P.s:title should be "Disappear" not "disapear!"

  • 11 years ago

    by Blood of a Lion

    I thought it was good and you can't ever really say what your best work is or what isn't :) words can have a completely different taste to someone than what you might be trying to convey.

    Just remember to look up. The sky is still there :)
    5.5

    • 11 years ago

      by Aubrey

      Thanks guys:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    Very sad, but also very relate-able.
    Might I suggest changing:
    "Because I have spent the few years
    With that fear
    that no-ones
    or seems to care about"

    to something like...

    "Because I've spent few years
    with the fear
    that no one cares"

    That's the only stanza that seems to be out of rhythm with the rest or the poem, in my opinion. But I really liked the rhythm throughout and the way you portrayed your pain.

    I'm with Blood of the Lion, sometimes when you think something isn't so great, other people may. Well written. (:

  • 11 years ago

    by Aubrey

    Thanks.... I may do that:)