Yaki,
It's rare for a poem to be disturbing and reaffirming at the same time but you have managed it here.

Disturbing because of the naked exposure of your insecurity and self-loathing:
"my inner
needed cleansing, my shame,
my pain, my guilt"

Your metaphor of the shower as not cleansing what it could not reach - brilliant.

Reaffirming because you continue to question your doubts. Yes, it is circular but still logical. When you ask whether your insecurities reflect reality, you open the door to self-acceptance. You are on the right path and will get there sooner or later.

Typo: you need a space here: atleast

That was too much for me to handle...
epic write; there is something in your voice that squeezes bitterness, and I like such tones so much.

Great downpour of emotions, and I'm truly fond of the notion of taking a shower for inner cleanliness. Then... the part with God... it was.... moving.!

Thank you, sir.

I love this Yaki, even if it's not God we are trying to figure out, just to be able to love another and ourselves and feel like we are doing it right, can be such a struggle. Good work.

Oh Yaki..your latest pieces are hitting my heart hard..I'll be back with a comment!

Okay here we go:

Your opening lines were, to me, full of resentment and..loss? Yes, loss. Loss at what could have been, resentment at the fact you felt/feel "unclean" and anger that no matter how much you scrub..you just can't wash away your self doubt.

"but my body was never filthy,
it was my soul that was."

^^This brings me back to what I just mentioned-how you feel yourself...unworthy? I want to use a different word but knowing you..I'm going to go for that here?

Your stanza about dry hair and strech marks is one of my favourites..we all have 'flaws' that we want to get rid of, that we think people will detest, that lower our self esteem--and your portrayal of this here is wonderful, if sad.

"or if maybe, wrong is the only
way I know how to love. "

Another favourite-how many people can relate here? We all love someone we shouldn't, therefore making it 'wrong' whether it be a partner, or friend or someone you don't even know.

I adore this..the fact you use the shower as the making for this poem is what really captivated me as so often I too have stood under the shower, hoping for the water to wash away my sins, guilt, remorse etc. And I'm sure many others have also.

Now away from the poem and onto you..stop putting yourself down woman!

Exquisite write,

Very meaningful write, this poem touches on the inner person and the worth that person has of themselves due to past sins. Excellent