Comments : Necromancy Rising

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Congratulations on the win!

    This piece is well done, it has rhymes as well as a syllable count. Perhaps the syllable counts aren't evenly through out the piece, but I counted and in the first stanza has 8 syllables in the ones that follow 7 and towards the end 8.

    So this piece in my opinion shows a great deal of work, to be able to rhyme it and count the syllables as well as make it have a flow. There are a few lines that did have an off tone when I read it but it could be the way I read it.

    I am not too sure about the twist, what I gathered perhaps, it's not right but I thought that this someone went to the graved and practice black magic to be with his love. So his love awoke but in the heart of the one practicing the black magic. O_O
    So I thought that perhaps, there are two souls in one body, Like literally two souls in one body. Or may be just as the title this someone simply communicated with his love.

    5/5

    • 11 years ago

      by Larry Chamberlin

      Yes, you put your finger exactly on the twist. You always here of raising the dead or communicating with them, but in this case the dead arose to become literally one with the necromancer: one body two souls.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    Structurally, this poem was pretty near perfect. The rhyming scheme was kept simple and the meter was more or less evenly balanced throughout which made the whole verse flow wonderfully.

    I loved the whole idea of spells and witchcraft, you have painted some terrific images for the reader to envisage. I also admire some of the vocabulary/language used, it was very interesting. Also, the chant was a very nice addition I felt.

    Overall, this poem kept me spellbound (pardon the pun) from start to finish.

  • 11 years ago

    by Decayed

    The idea here is interesting: the speaker is using black magic to communicate with the soul of his/her lover, after taking the buried corpse late at night. However, I'm not so sure where the twist is. Maybe "my soul damned" is the one? If it is, it's unexpected, and that's great, but I would've loved to see it at the end. Anyway, loved the pace much, alongside the description of the spell - it was spooky!

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Well-structured poem. I love the verses in which you write in. My few suggestions are that in a couple of stanzas, I felt more of a pause was needed, such as in the fourth stanza- third line. Also, the twist wasn't as dramatic as I expected. but I just read your explanation in the comments above and I think I understand it more. It was clever and eerie, sharing that body.... The way you composed this write was very morbid, from your love wailing to mentioning a spell. Also, you had colors that reminded me of the picture, mentioning the browns and red of flesh. I liked the realization that you would be alive and together with your love because of what is engraved in your heart, but make it somehow darker. It was more melancholy in the end when you wrote that others
    won't see you united with your love, they will only feel
    their own loneliness. Good write, you molded in the part about "beyond the look of eyes" well. Congrats on winning Larry! :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Edward D Zurovec

    I really enjoyed this Poem, and as I have said, think it is World Class. Although I am not a sworn writing Critic, I think there is room for editting, no pun intended.
    The first stanza spot on, and I had to read more.

    The second stanza, I think I would capitalize Snake and add a comma after strikes the light,
    tithes are paid, come back my love.

    The third stanza ,
    yeilded from your corpse reposed;
    white and black are waging War,
    my soul is damned, the Spell's composed.

    Capitalizing spell brings it to Life!

    The forth stanza,
    Bring me now your truth, Amour,

    Capitalizing amour personalizes to whom you are speaking.

    The fifth stanza,
    Who was alone no more apart,
    where once was one we now bind two;
    as our heart beats, two souls quicken,
    a share of life to each imbue.

    The sixth stanza,
    Whoever seeks our eyes can't see,
    for they conceive of lonely lives;
    two Spirits swirl in this clay mold,
    engraved our hearts, in love survives.

    Your writing is truly inspiring, and I really enjoyed the read.
    Peace and Blessings