Comments : Turning the Page

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    That's a so sorrowful piece. It really made me sad. The title did fit in place.

    I turned around,
    unaware at the time,
    that it was our last
    and final goodbye.

    This stanza revealed a powerful start of the poem. It really hurts when you know your meeting is final, a very depressing situation.

    ^^^^

    It was intoxicating how
    much you begged for me.
    You'd throw every string
    to pull me back into your arms.

    A good metaphor using strings of love to pull the beloved and good similes to refer to that as intoxication. This is my favorite stanza.

    ^^^^

    The sparks dwindled
    and it became harder
    for us to fight for what
    we no longer believed in.

    This stanza indicates the hopless trial for coming back as refered in the 2nd stanza since the belief disappeared.

    ^^^^

    You had every inch of me memorized,
    yet there are parts of me out of your reach.
    There is a cluttered box inside me
    that you will never discover.

    This referred how strong and deep the relationship was. It also revealed that what's inside is still unknown to him although he thought one day that he could have every inch of you. I think using the word "still' somewhere after the 1st line will make clear to join between the 1st line (which is in the past tense) and the the other three lines (which are in the present tense).

    ^^^^

    I wrote many letters to you,
    handwritten from my heart.
    My feelings were inexpressible
    but I hoped you'd still understand.

    Again this reveals how strong the love was. I prefer the use of "sent" instead of "wrote" because you said "handwritten" after that, just to avoid repetition. A powerful stanza.

    ^^^^

    Lifeless and uninspired,
    I still must continue writing.
    But for now, I must turn the page
    and leave your name behind.

    I loved the first line the most, especially "uninspired". Excellent ending of your poem.

    ------------

    Overall:
    Sara I loved this poem the most and you are writing excellent piece, one of my favorites, nominated.
    Thank you for such marvelous piece.

    • 11 years ago

      by PinkyPrincess

      Awww thank you so much for the detailed comment! :)

    • 11 years ago

      by PinkyPrincess

      Awww thank you so much for the detailed comment! :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    This is such a crap feeling :/ Ive been through exactly this, and it hurts to have to move on from someone who you thought you knew so well, but turned out not to..

    I like the way you expressed yourself here, the stanzas seemed like bullet points of things you wanted this person to know...The ending stanza was really interesting...we often see poetry of turning the pages being the main topic, but I liked the touch of your name behind..I also like that it didnt necessarily mean moving forward with life which is usually what that term refers to ... you were takling about your poetry...which in a sense our poetry life must go on too...just without the topic of this person....Reminds me of a poem I wrote called "New Subject"......we have to keep writing, it helps so much, but sometimes we need someone or something new to write about in order to move forward.

    Loved this.

  • 11 years ago

    by Meme

    Oneof the best oieces you ever wrote Sara. Although it feels so sad, but you have given this poem its justice. I know how it feels to leave someone behind and to turn the page although sometimes you tend to keep it bookmarked, but you have to be brave enough to turn it completely!

    Great piece
    xxx

  • 10 years ago

    by Meme

    There comes a point in our lives were we have to be the ones who call it: we have to do the right thing, and in this case its moving on. Humans tend to fight change only because they are so afraid of what will come next, and since they are already used to a certain lifestyle they refuse to change even if that means they keep dragging a relationship that has ended a ling time ago. You managed to capture the feelings that one gores through when they decided to fold the page and move on.

    Nicely expressed, and it is a piece that a lot of people can relate to.

    • 10 years ago

      by PinkyPrincess

      Aww thanks Meme!! You explained the feelings I was trying to portray perfectly! =)

  • 10 years ago

    by Treehugger

    It really is hard to have to give up the one we love, and move on. To give your whole heart to someone and have it thrown back and say goodbye to is the worst feeling in the world, yet love makes us do crazy things :). It takes strength and time to move on. you portrayed this well. 5/5 just remember time heals all

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Well I love the story here, and my god can people relate especially with people being so tainted by society and the idea of pain being so popular along side cool being defined by how closed off you can be. (Not saying that you are acting that way... i... I'm just sorta ranting I guess, I'm sorry).

    I agree with everything that has been said thus far about this piece. It is a terrible feeling. So many people can relate. I love the way you penned the emotion here. The tone was set perfectly, the style was spot on and your voice had a brilliantly.

    Great write