Better Than You

Wow! In short ouch!! I felt the pain!

I don't like curse words, just so you know. But then I was reading through and I thought, 'hmm..somebody is gonna get it.' Then I got to the second line of the third paragraph and you used the curse word, I was like, WOW! It was like a sucker punch! Way to let out your emotion. A poem without emotion or feelings is pretty much a dry poem. You certainly did a good job!

Critique: When you rhyme, you rhyme, but do not force it in. Make it natural, smooth and neat. Try breaking up the lines and don't curve and drag lines so long just to put a rhyme in it. I tell you what, poetry is sweet and beautiful, and unless you are following a specific rule, anything goes!:)

So this is how I would re-write your poem just to save the neatness and concision.:

It is in the way you walk.
I can see it written all over your face
When you talk.
Just a little regret,
Wishing you could cherish step by step;
The love that we had,
It was not one to forget.

It is in the way you hold me,
You made me believe those four little words
That you told me:
"I still love you."

Baby it sounded so good
Coming out of your mouth,
But I cannot hear what
You were talking about;
I'm over all that bullshit,
Baby the games were in high school,
You just need to quit.

Because nobody hurts me quite
Like you do,
Yet nobody loves me the way
That you do.

My body's been missing you,
My heart knows you're no good to me,
But I deserve to be loved
The way a good woman should be.
Nobody hurts me quite like you do
And honestly, I deserve better than you.

[I omitted some words and fixed some punctuation]

I hope this is helpful. I can't wait to read more from you. :) Keep writing!