I loved how you used twine, Chelsey, so much more thought provoking than thread, or string, really beautiful words as well, and something we can all relate to at one time or another, the stopping of minutes, the closure of time.
Just a really thought provoking write, that was smooth all the way from start to finish...and the tone was sensual, and sweet yet strong and deep in it's execution.
I definitely have thought of that one-word question before, it makes for a good opening because it's something I bet all of us have truly pondered and delved into...I loved this "the switching of the minutes", it seemed so lively to me, as if the minutes on the clock's hands are animate or something! Lovely expression in this, especially with more tie-ins with the clock and that whole tone of confidence that this will be a moment that will not only be able to be controlled, but it will linger and you won't be rushed. This kiss will live on and it will be made memorable. Great write! <3
7 years ago
by Marcy Lewis
Ooh. I like the tone in this poem. Plus, the use of twine here was something new, and actually really creative. I don't think anyone would use that unless they stole the idea from this piece. I love that. It's unique.
A question posed that I can not answer, but I can
tell you this much...tomorrow is not soon enough."
^Because this is in Miscellaneous, I was starting to wonder what this poem could be about. The first few lines make this poem. It hooked me, and kept me reading. I love it. The hook was the mystery in the subject matter.
"This upcoming hour, the switching of minutes, the
pause between seconds, is not quick enough for me-
to be with you-"
^The first two lines were pretty calm. You couldn't wait for something, but it wasn't like impatience. Here, it becomes frantic, almost. I love that. The smaller the bits of time were, the quicker I found myself reading this. That was an interesting tactic. I love the last line in this stanza, and I love the fact it stood alone. It was like "BOOM. What's up?!" It made it more meaningful, isolating that line without anything accompanying it.
"Yet, be assured, when you're inches away from
rendering your lips to mine, I'll double knot a rope
^That was so pretty. That evokes such a sensual image, and such a heartfelt feeling of desire. I love the rope around time. That was so asdfghjkl. A lot of poems talk about stopping time, but this was a new way of saying that. It didn't feel stale at all.
"It won't move; the hand will stirke on
a blank faced clock and we'll be infinite. Non exsistant
to everyone other than ourselves."
^The blank-faced clock was a really cool image, along with the mention of infinity. It made the overused word "forever" actually mean something. You always find a way of making old things new. There are a few spelling errors here. You spelled "strike" as "stirke" and "exsistant" should be "existent", and also nonexistent is usually one word. :) Just a little help, home-girl. :p
"Until then, I'm counting down every tick, every day,
and braiding twine to ready its grasp. "
^I love this line. It made me think like you were sitting there, smiling, braiding twine, getting all prepared. It was such a lovely finish.
AWW, this is beautiful, Chelsey! I don't write too many love poems, but if ever want to express my love for someone, I'd want it sound like this. It's short and sweet, saying everything needed to be said. I love the them of love conquering time, and it also makes you appreciate the time you have and aspire to always use it wisely. Favorited. Great work, as always :)