Nightmare

The fact that you say that there is silence in your heart and that your heart is beating fast is fairly contradictory. I recommend trying to make each point that you make as concise and direct as you can: make it simple and bold. Maybe try writing without the rhyme? Rhyme often over-complicates things and it can hold a lot of writers back. I agree with Xanthe, though, you do have potential and I imagine that in a few years time you will have honed your skills and become a great poet! :)

This actually made me smile. It reminds me so much of how I used to write. It's filled with raw emotions, and these are somewhat magnified and manufactured, if I may say so. I think the tone and emotions could do with a little bit more taming, but you have potential in my opinion. Read more, write more, and I'm sure you'll grow much more as a poet in a few years.