Comments : Souvenir.

  • 7 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    I really liked the first two lines and then the fourth and fifth, they really spoke out ot me, the whole poem is so beautiful, spirit lifting, wonderful poem

  • 7 years ago

    by Skyfire

    I thought this was absolutely wonderful, but I lost a little of the flow at the very end:

    " i linger in nostalgia
    of where we created ours."

    Maybe try "the nostalgia" or "for when we created ours."

    But, you know, thats just me. :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Piogga

    I think this is one of those abstract poems whose focal point is more on its imagery than meaning. It has different meanings, and I'm sure there would be different and varied interpretations from different people, as an abstract painting would. Another element I really liked was the tone. Although the sentences were a little too long for me, the line breaks and use of commas didn't make it overwhelming.
    The first half, I could easily picture a vacationer (not sure if that's a word!) or someone daydreaming of going on a vacation, catching some rays perhaps, on a beach. The title also pointed to that as we often buy souvenirs whenever we take a trip somewhere; a memorabilia to take home to remind us of that trip or maybe give to someone back home. I also felt that the narrator seemed homesick. There's the contrast between th warmth of the sunset and the frigidity of the waves crashing onto the shore. I loved the personification of the Pacific. I've never thought of the waves breathing heavily, speech slurred as though drunk from the coldness. How unique is that!
    The second half, I feel like I could relate to much more. Wanderlust is such a lovely word and I love how you used it. I can just feel the longing to travel, get lost for a while. Sometimes the strain of work and everyday routine becomes overburdening and we just need to get away. 'pearl sands' and 'mint-scented palms' are great phrases. Throughout the poem, I've had this picture in my mind of the persona being alone so the ending was quite unexpected for me. Took a few more reads to let it sink in. I enjoyed this, all in all. It's one of my favourites from the contest. Plus, the layout looks like a honey jar to me :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Odd David

    Interesting poem and format. I enjoyed the vivid images and the over all content.