Comments : I dont have a name for it and its not really that good but owell

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    I almost burst into ters when I read that first line, another remarkable piece written by another remarkable writer! :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Pete Daniels

    Beautiful and so touching.. Well done.

  • 11 years ago

    by myonlymoon

    This was a good write Alex, I've noticed you were new here!

    I really enjoyed reading this and could connect a lot with the emotion here, however I'd like to offer some constructive criticism if I may... The way you have formed this in a paragraph without punctuation makes it a tad difficult for the reader to tell where one sentence begins and another ends. Maybe if you trying breaking some of that up like:

    "As you turn and look into the mirror
    you see only pain and sadness,
    thinking for what
    asking yourself,
    how did I get here, what did I do?"

    Something along those lines, it doesn't distract the reader that much and allows us to focus more on the topic in which you're writing about. You also had a couple spelling errors- "your self" is written yourself, and I think at the end you meant to write "As you did what* everybody wanted."

    Keep writing!!! (:

    xoxo Crystal