This piece is full of adrenaline! You truly captured the essence of someone running for their life...paranoid of who is running behind them, and then the fatigue of running so fast kicks in, but you know no matter what you must go on.

I'm not fond of the repetition of 'you run, you run hard' I think some better verbs could have been used. Like race, dash, sprint, etc... and then hard could be changed to a stronger one as well.

I completely agree with what Hannah said, this piece is full of adrenaline! I love the fast-paced and unforgettable rhythm of this piece. I like it very much that I want to nominate it, but, to be honest, there is something amiss about the way it is structured, not to mention, the lack of punctuation. I understand and like I said, I like the fast-paced rhythm of this piece but with the proper use of punctuation, I think it will flow and look better.

But still, I really like this poem a lot, and please kindly ignore my comments if you find them negative and unhelpful.

Thanks for reading my poem :)

Hello,

I'm usually a strict rhyming fan - child-like, I know - but I really rather enjoyed this. I have to agree with both previous comments. I could feel the fear and confusion. The personal mantra of "you run, run hard" in it's variations. It felt like a dream, and that, i think, made it even more eerie and intriguing.

And enjoyable piece of writing.

P.S.

Bradley