Comments : In the Garden, You and I

  • 9 years ago

    by L

    I like your titles, and the endings in your poems.

    also the narrative and for some reason I feel this serene tone that I like.

    Sorry for the lame comment, but I can see why this is under nature.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hellon

    If this is not on the front page next week I will eat my akubra!!!!

    I see a young couple here with so much hope...not only for their garden but for their relationship..metaphor perhaps but...this is just so pure and simple I doubt that you went down that path?...it was about your garden...well...being together in your garden...I love gardens so..will ramble no more...loved it Abby!! it had such an aussie feel to it....

    • 9 years ago

      by abracadabra

      Thanks, Hellon. Sometimes I wonder what particular thing compelled me to write a poem and I love it when a reader gives me a possible clue to my subconscious. Reading the poem, it is clear that it is filled with love, yes, but also a hope. It is almost an anxious hope, at least in the first stanza.

      Nikko and I are fairly new at marriage and living together. This poem was written the night after we had a pretty big fight, and in the week I learnt that two of my married friends were each filing for divorce. I had attended their weddings just a few years ago and I had zero idea they had any problems. Their love just seemed to evaporate, out of the blue. I know it happens all the time, but as a believer in eternal love, it hits me hard every time. I am always joking how I know I'm getting old when 21st invites change to hens nights to baby showers. But friends getting divorced is another thing altogether.

      You're right, I didn't go down that path when writing this, there was no sadness or anxiety there. But it makes sense if it was present beneath the surface.
      Most of my poetry is a form of prayer.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I agree with Hellon, this piece needs to be on the front page! I nominated it too, and I truly hope it wins!

    The garden metaphor for love is absolutely beautiful. Planting the seeds, watching it grow, tending to it, and then letting the sun do it's work. I see the sun as a metaphor for God... letting Him take over your 'garden' so he can lead you to eternal happiness.

    I love how you captured the 'hopeful' future...it has a serene tone that feels comfortable.

    I especially like the line "He watches her,
    leaning on his rake, dirt in the crinkles of his eyes. "

    -that is absolutely breathtaking imagery. It shows his love for her, that even after all these years...he still loves to watch her do her own thing. <3

    "In the evening she pickles cucumbers and cabbage.
    He sinks slowly into a chair. Then comments mildly
    about the cold. She agrees."

    -this reminds me of my grandparents... they just have that content vibe going on. They comment on daily things and silence is always comfortable.

    Just overall a absolutely fantastic narrative piece. Added to my favorites so I can read it forever :P

  • 9 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Tender, tending. This is all about tending, and those quiet little motions and polishings and fixings that keep you going. I like that this love gets wider and deeper as it ages. Thank you.

  • 9 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Wow amazing write. I've read it over a few times and enjoyed it more each time..

  • 9 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Well, I see why this won!...the thought process one goes through when reading this...I am not sure for others but, I found so much was written, more than maybe comes across at first read,

    Love is a delicate thing, there is no art to it, and the world can change it's direction, much like growing vegetables...and I loved that about this piece...the story behind it...maybe there isn't one, but I see a couple just planting there way through life, love being the deep connection, hoping it lasts, that like the vegetables, it grows, brings good health, and comfort...

    I really enjoyed reading this...
    the flow was smooth, the story it told, the message, the thoughts it provoked through each line.

    Really good.

    Sorry for my rambling.
    x

  • 9 years ago

    by Exostosis

    Funny, how vulnerable the human psyche is. So easily susceptible to sentiments. We witness an incident and shortly place ourselves in the similar position. Being able to relate can backfire on multiple occasions. One may not wish to trod down towards a dark path. But it could eventually lead to a subconscious devising of methods to sabotage the current, present relations, only to attain satisfaction in carrying out the subconscious agony and synchronizing with it in the waking conscious state.

    The garden is not a speculation on love. Rather, life. A fail safe plot to assure the current foundation prevails in the inevitable future to come. It is equivocating the probable circumstances through gratification of a realized fear. Not succumbing to the same resultant output as others. The poem is an attempt at reassurance, of the bond that the author has formed with another human being. Picturing retirement, growing old together. Could temporarily bring the satisfaction, of. . .well. . . .completion. The garden is the substratum to the foreseeable future, where the author see's herself still united with her lover. Not an odd one though. Gardening or small scale farming is an appropriate hobby to opt for as a couple. Is one not after all, a sucker for a happy ending? All would want to refrain from realizing the void within them. A constant rush of incompleteness and the fear of the unknown. A roaring frustration that has no source, which one cannot reason himself/herself out of successfully. Being immersed into well. . .love, could provide a good distraction.

    I've composed the comment based on the poem and the reply to Hellon's comment by the author. The author did not literally go down that path, but its a river upon the bed. The author acknowledges the visible stream on the surface. The depth she does not attempt to validate. But the river is contained within the river bed. Similarly, the author chose to explore on the visible facades of the thoughts that sprung forth. The subconscious fragments were arranged into more optimistic structure. The Earth beneath the sky? They run parallel yet give the illusion of converging at the horizon. Right the author is. It is about hope.

    Do correct me if I am wrong.

    Very well written.

  • 9 years ago

    by Piogga

    "Sometimes I imagine our new farmer selves
    growing inside us. They are an elderly couple."
    Not quite sure if this was intended but I loved the irony/wordplay. New vs. elderly / farmer sounds like former. Just one of the things that stood out for me.

    Amazing job for such a beautiful poem.

  • 9 years ago

    by Britt

    Judge comment:

    Like Sibyllenes comment said, it's all about tending. You tend a garden, you tend your life, you tend your marriage.. and hopefully it will lead to this old-timey marriage where you can be content in the stillness. The poem really excels not only in content but in the descriptions.. it's so vivid and quaint. I can't stop reading this piece.

    "As the sun sets, they stand against the darkness
    of leaves, letting the landscape speak for them."

    I particularly liked this part, kind of a "them versus the world" sort of feeling, which realistically that's what a marriage can be sometimes. Like Hellon said in her comment there definitely is an Aussie feel to this poem -- winter sunshine is definitely not something my area experiences, and we wouldn't be able to do any gardening during that time. So many "differences" in this poem than my norm and my culture that it makes it absolutely fantastic. Marriages don't always last anymore, people throw things away and fix it when it isn't broken (only to break), and this gives me hope for people out there, to live contently and really in love. I could ramble for ages. Love this poem.

  • 9 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    "This is such a beautiful poem. Seems Abby is outdoing herself as of lately. I keep reading this over and over, and each and every time I am awed at how flawless it is and how it is written with so much elegance and class. The imagery throughout this is wonderful, it really allows you to viisulise this garden that is being talked about. I thought the mention of the man and woman was wonderfully done, though I can't make my mind up on the two ways I chose to interpretate. The first being that this man and woman are a couple in love, hence the garden metaphor-planting seeds and allowing this love to grow and then after reading it again I began to wonder if this man and woman were actually, figuratively speaking, our inner selves and that the garden was a metaphor for our hopes and desires-that we plant seeds inside of ourselves and allow them to grow and cultivate them. Such a thought provoking piece. Beautifully done. "

  • 9 years ago

    by L

    Hehe sorry for semi going out of context, but this poem has so many things that i never thought about... and when I read it they just popped out and I couldn't help myself from writing them out. But the poem is amazing.

    ---

    Judging Comment weekly contest May 27, 2013

    The way this poem started immediately grabs my attention. First, it incites me to wonder what type of seeds Abracadabra is referring to and also to continue reading the poem in search for the answer.

    Aside from that, I noticed she focuses on details and it is because of those details that I'm intrigue.

    I wonder what is she referring with "the cautious creep of green"? Though, I have to admit that my attention is focus on the adjective "cautious," and well overall I think that by using those words she refers to plants growing.

    Then she hits me with " it's been a month and we have bought a spade, some mulch, some blood, and bone" that line alone is intriguing. I can associate the use of "spade and mulch" with the mentioning of seeds in the starting line of the poem, but why buy blood and bone? rather why mentioned that in the poem if everything seems to be related to the seeds? Then it hit me, I have no knowledge of gardening. So I had to look that up. And even if this sounds silly, do they really add blood and bone to the soil?
    I never thought about it, but it kind of makes sense. When one dies, our body becomes a part of the nutrients of the soil so adding the blood and bones may give the soil the nutrients, the nitrogen that needs, etc?now that line makes sense, but I couldn't help myself from picturing the blood and the bones... Then after reading into it, I found out that the blood meal is normally collected from slaughterhouses, dried up and pulverized into a powder... so the image kind of changed but I think I need to read more into that. Would vegetarians be creeped out by knowing that people may use blood and bone as fertilizer to grow the vegetables that who knows they might eat? Can the plants get infected from feeding from the blood and the bones if the animal had any disease? ( I couldn't help but share what I'm wondering at the moment even if some may find it silly or odd).

    Anywho, back to the poem.

    On this line,

    " In the winter sunshine, the air shimmers with the heat of possibility."

    ^^ I am unsure whether "the heat" sounds good or if "a heat" would fit the content better.
    The reason why I say this is because whenever I see the article "the" being used, I immediately tied it up with something that has already being mentioned where as "a" at least to me sounds like a good time to introduce it... like talking in a general term. Though, I guess "the" might be used as an specific. Aside from that I sense hope coming from this line so I suppose "the heat of possibility" may be that the seeds could perhaps get some sunshine rays and some heat...during that winter.

    I think I can go on and on and talk about each line and I would probably take a long time to get to my point and in the process I might make everyone get bored. So overall, the seeds of love of the couple have been plotted, and are being fed, and are taken care with the illusion of seeing the seeds grow into plants that they will harvest together, however, there are obstacles on the way. One of those is learning how to take care of the seeds during the Winter so that they will survive.

    By the way, I like the use of cold and warm. It is because of the contrast that one can spot the hope emerging from this piece. I guess the couple felt the coldness from each other ( no much communication) but it seems it was merely a winter cold that they experienced and nothing else.

  • 9 years ago

    by L

    Hehe sorry for semi going out of context, but this poem has so many things that i never thought about... and when I read it they just popped out and I couldn't help myself from writing them out. But the poem is amazing.

    ---

    Judging Comment weekly contest May 27, 2013

    The way this poem started immediately grabs my attention. First, it incites me to wonder what type of seeds Abracadabra is referring to and also to continue reading the poem in search for the answer.

    Aside from that, I noticed she focuses on details and it is because of those details that I'm intrigue.

    I wonder what is she referring with "the cautious creep of green"? Though, I have to admit that my attention is focus on the adjective "cautious," and well overall I think that by using those words she refers to plants growing.

    Then she hits me with " it's been a month and we have bought a spade, some mulch, some blood, and bone" that line alone is intriguing. I can associate the use of "spade and mulch" with the mentioning of seeds in the starting line of the poem, but why buy blood and bone? rather why mentioned that in the poem if everything seems to be related to the seeds? Then it hit me, I have no knowledge of gardening. So I had to look that up. And even if this sounds silly, do they really add blood and bone to the soil?
    I never thought about it, but it kind of makes sense. When one dies, our body becomes a part of the nutrients of the soil so adding the blood and bones may give the soil the nutrients, the nitrogen that needs, etc?now that line makes sense, but I couldn't help myself from picturing the blood and the bones... Then after reading into it, I found out that the blood meal is normally collected from slaughterhouses, dried up and pulverized into a powder... so the image kind of changed but I think I need to read more into that. Would vegetarians be creeped out by knowing that people may use blood and bone as fertilizer to grow the vegetables that who knows they might eat? Can the plants get infected from feeding from the blood and the bones if the animal had any disease? ( I couldn't help but share what I'm wondering at the moment even if some may find it silly or odd).

    Anywho, back to the poem.

    On this line,

    " In the winter sunshine, the air shimmers with the heat of possibility."

    ^^ I am unsure whether "the heat" sounds good or if "a heat" would fit the content better.
    The reason why I say this is because whenever I see the article "the" being used, I immediately tied it up with something that has already being mentioned where as "a" at least to me sounds like a good time to introduce it... like talking in a general term. Though, I guess "the" might be used as an specific. Aside from that I sense hope coming from this line so I suppose "the heat of possibility" may be that the seeds could perhaps get some sunshine rays and some heat...during that winter.

    I think I can go on and on and talk about each line and I would probably take a long time to get to my point and in the process I might make everyone get bored. So overall, the seeds of love of the couple have been plotted, and are being fed, and are taken care with the illusion of seeing the seeds grow into plants that they will harvest together, however, there are obstacles on the way. One of those is learning how to take care of the seeds during the Winter so that they will survive.

    By the way, I like the use of cold and warm. It is because of the contrast that one can spot the hope emerging from this piece. I guess the couple felt the coldness from each other ( no much communication) but it seems it was merely a winter cold that they experienced and nothing else.

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Judging comment from week of 5/27/13]:

    This is such a warm, amorous metaphor you use to describe this love growing. Automatically, I pictured a new relationship that has just been built on all the right things and not all the wrong things. I quite enjoyed reading this narrative, and the sentimental mementos you give to the read in:

    "It's been a month
    and we have bought a spade, some mulch,
    some blood and bone."

    It evokes emotion in the sense that relationships take time, they don't just sprout up overnight. But as you continue to express, there is always that hope to become higher and grow larger.
    Loved the "farmer" feel to this and how personal you made it! The second stanza was so gentle in the image of the elderly couple. I just found such delight in all the specific images you gave... I feel like I'm reading from an eloquent storybook where these two characters have some sort of magic between them, just in the simple passion of gardening and in the gaze they share.

    The third stanza is so soft-hearted in the sense of their bond together. I LOVE when authors kind of demonstrate a moment together shared in silence, where words don't have to communicate necessarily, just smelling that tenderness and being right before the sun set is luxury enough. I liked how you included how he talked about the cold, reminded me of casual talk about the weather... it doesn't always mean you're looking for something to say, just that you're comfortable enough to say the simple things.

    The worry and concern they both hold about their garden is so evident and even more touching. They share a love in common but also their hearts that want to protect and survive another cold. Wonderful storyline, from starting out at the beginning of the day to falling asleep deeply, that "aged" feeling was well-penned and you made me relish the beauty of aging with creation and in that constant hope.

    Such a cherished write!

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    I dearly love Abby's poetry!!!

    This week she has crafted not only a beautiful nature piece, but she has intertwined a powerful and tender message of love and unity, which is a powerful gift of human nature.

    The title she chose, brought me peaceful comfort-

    Then the poem begins, and I was mesmerized! I adore the word usage and visual display, however for me, the creative angle of growing older in the "garden of life" has me sitting here with my mouth wide open!

    I can't express the touching, comforting feelings I was left with- It's a poem that all readers can take with them and incorporate in their own hopes and dreams of their lives.

    For this poem to be in nature is a perfect fit, however it also has love and life crafted in the entire piece.. Powerfully penned poem!! Well Done!

  • 5 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    This is freakin crazy good I can see why it won!

    I really like the many sides to this poem and how your voice comes across.

    Excellent write!

    Ben