My oh my, that was under five minutes right?! It had to be. I applaud you for that....inspirational!
Really like the playful idea and how you tied in "checking for monsters under the bed"... brought up the innocence of childhood, the fears we held, and that need to find comfort and warmth as you said.
Wonderful how you turned it into a love story in a way... and I like how "hush" had its own line, I find that word to be so beautiful! Was not expecting the "faces of suicide" line but the way you twisted it so cleverly so it wasn't necessarily a suicide, but this person killed the love you had, any second chances or renewal of it. Woah, such finality in that end. Like you build up this romance in the beginning then you shatter the news that you will never go for this person again, never cross that path. Loved how creative you got with these prompts especially with the foundation of second chances and what they can mean.....not using punctuation really worked for this write, it was unique and truly your own :]
This poem really made me think which is a greattt yhing.
The first stanza I feel really makes the poem shine. We truly all want someone to make us feel safe so thr monster under the twist no one expects. Nights are always cold no matter what especially if you feel alone. I also like the love twist as you no longer yearn fot anyone as you love someone already. Then the third twist in the metaphor suicide of the love you once felt but no longer have. This person whom you loved hurt you and that is horrible because a heart is not something to be played with.I loved all the stanzas as they flow so well together. The imagery plays in my head so well as you describe everything in detail. Excellent. 5
8 years ago
I love the flow of this and the style, your voice is so unique, now I really want to read much more of your poetry. Its an amazing piece. Really it is. You used to prompts so perfectly, the piece was so effortless, but so wonderful. I like how you don't use punctuation, it feels , ore simple, more raw that way. And your style makes up for it. I really really enjoy how the piece overflows with skills, amazing skills.