Comments : Falling into darkness

  • 10 years ago

    by Angel

    If i could describe you in one word it would be EXTREMELYUNBELIEVABLYTALENTED youre 13 and writing like someone twice your age.'i know this mustve been hard to write sweetie but everything is guuna be ok you have me here to help you

  • 10 years ago

    by TSI25

    Somewhere toward the beginning you mention rose petals silently falling to the ground. this is my only real indication of your relationship with the... i assume deceased (based on the presence of sobbing.) however i become confused by the mother and father crying - was this a brother? or a lover? if it was a brother, then rather than rose petals (that have the connotations of love) it might be worth considering using cherry blossoms (which have connotations of innocence) as it would give the poem a slightly more exotic feel without damaging flow. your call though. the death of innocence is merely a kind of subject i find fascinating in modern literature.

    the rest of the poem is extraordinarily chaotic, a lot of raw emotion, and not a lot of narrative - thats not necessarily a bad thing though. you convey this feeling of... soul crushing anguish, conflict, turmoil very well. i get the feeling this was more of a poem meant to vent.

    • 10 years ago

      by UtterlyAlive

      My brother died from a drug overdose, the drugs stopped his breathing and made him pass out. This poem is how I picture these drugs working, slowly shutting your body down. I wrote it from his perspective.