Comments : Contemptfull thoughts...

  • 10 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I like the end of stanza rhymes that rhyme with the stanza end line above it

    http://youtu.be/brNby5IFDnA

    The harsher critics will urge you to be imaginative in losing repetitious "And"'s
    The poem delivered much feeling

    • 10 years ago

      by Thomas

      The "And"'s are there to intensify the monotony, at least in my view. "And.., and.., and.." a continuous listing of daily, trivial, yet bullet-figurative ideas, sometimes ones that are kill-obsessive, others are simply there to state my obessive need for a change of some sort, and others are there to state the obvious.
      I may rework this into something at some point, perhaps a "Part 2"-esque poem.

      Otherwise, I didn't have much care about this, as it was my first poem, much like the others. Beside that, I don't usually pay much attention to anything but what the message is, and how it could be, is, or can be percieved by the viewer.

      Otherwise, lots of thanks for the critique, Michael!

  • 10 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    I love this whole poem. it has a lot of meaning and you done really good!