by Baby Rainbow
Nice little poem, lots of good similes used to show your meaning, however I do suggest that you change the word "sprinting" as you are talking about the time passing by slowly, and use the tortoise, so I suggest a more suitable word that would imply this, sprinting implies really fast and does not match that of a tortoise. |
I used the word sprinting on purpose in an attempt to portray a negative idea, in that tortoises do not sprint therefore time is also not sprinting away but maybe I ought to rethink the line. Thanks |
by Ben Pickard
I love the end of this - so abrupt and powerful. More great writing from you, Cassie. |