Sylvia, this is a real sad one. Went through it again to feel the pain you want to get relief from . You have poured your heart out.
Sad but an excellent write.
5 years ago
by Beautiful Soul
The title speaks volumes here as you set the tone and the emotion of the poem early here. Despair is a great word for sadness or depression, or just barely hanging into life. Also it does pull the reader in.
First- With any short write you want to add words to make the flow and send your message. You have done that nicely here. It seems like you are falling deeper into despair here. As I said before I feel you have created a character that is full of depression, and something had caused that. Though you don't say what I don't think you need to honestly, because this is such an emotional poem, the feelings speak loudly. I guess you could say the sinning part is why they feel sad but it works well.
Ending- This is such a powerful ending and kind of says a lot. Thoughts are overcoming this characters mind and they cannot control them anymore. The last few words lead me to believe that this is something from your past that you are still struggling with. Thoughts and changes can be very overwhelming to anyone and that can lead to any negativity. The rhyme here is excellent overall and the message I loved. I wouldn't change anything as I believe it reads very well. Great job. 5/5
This two stanza Rhyme poem stands out and I can't say enough about this lovely poem.
Sylvia has taken the art of rhyme and just poured out her raw emotions into each and every line.
Its difficult capturing deep emotions onto paper, let alone crafting in a rhyme scheme pattern, which you can do easily, but to make it flow and not sound forced? Well that's difficult, and she has written a beautiful and captivating piece this week.
It's a tearjerker poem, packed to the punch with a well written rhyme. Beautiful and inspiring as well, Wonderful piece by Sylvia
4 years ago
by Ben Pickard
A sad but very well written piece with a great flow.
Sylvia, this is a very deep, emotional write and many people will be able to relate.
Misery and sorrow have taken my sinful soul in their clutches.
Ripped apart, turned inside out, cast aside with delicate touches,
it is lost forever to the depths of despair.
Daunting thoughts fill my spirit, it's beyond repair.
A very powerful opening that speaks volumes and makes me want to read more. It'd sad that when our minds are filled with horrible thoughts (usually from the past) that we cannot get over it no natter how we try. People can hurt us but the best thing we can do is carry on.
A revelation so painful, to confront the dark side of my being,
it has me questioning my sanity and I feel like fleeing,
to escape the madness that overcomes my mind.
I'm futilely fighting my way through the debris left behind.
The imagery is amazing here because I image a lady trying to escape from her pained mind, questioning if she is sane or not all because of the past.