Comments : Haunt (Lanturne)

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is a really good poem. I don't think you need all the capital letters though. I don't think you needed to capitalize the beginning of each line. To me it takes away the flow, same with the commas. With a short poem you want it to be free flowing. :). Like this:

    taste of
    crashing tears,
    no longer haunt

    That way it's easier for the reader to read and follow. But that's just me. Trying to help :).

    The message is strong though and because of that I will consider nominating. Ahhh hell I will nominate. Besides the few small errors I loved this poem. You can feel the emotion overall and the relief of that weight lifting off you. Well done! And I love the form.

    • 9 years ago

      by Natalie

      Thank you!! :) I always forget to remove the commas. I have a thing with capital letters. LOL .. Thanks for the heads up on that! :P

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I really like the way this piece turned out. for having such a strict pattern it is definitely interesting. nice job. And I definitely agree with what beautiful soul said

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love this form as it's not something I come across often; I do remember writing one years back but haven't done so recently. I think it can be done very well if there is an atmosphere created and the brevity is profound. What struck me as original here is your relationship with the tears... focusing on "taste" is powerful as we may see someone cry and we cry ourselves, but what do tears taste like? What do they remind us of? It seems more abstract or even intimate/personal. Those first few lines give this poem depth, as I ponder if they are your own tears or tears you have witnessed. "crashing tears" reminds me of the tide, or of something greater than what we can control. I like how the ending has hope as well and suggests change, or that you have grown stronger in realizing it's okay to cry sometimes, but you won't linger on that nostalgia or your past, you will move ahead.

  • 9 years ago

    by GB