Angels Darkness

by The Moon Goddess   Jun 17, 2015


Walking slowly home in the midnight sun,
walking along the river where to blood runs.
She looks down in her reflection that spun around and around in the blood.
She twirls her fingers in the blood of her new murder victim.
She looks into his empty eyes and her transformation has begun.
Wings sprout out of her back and pull her up in the air.
She turns around and looks dumbfounded.
Her "wings" have knives and covered in blood.
Later that evening she saw a beautiful woman.
She was pale as snow and her head red as fire.
She tried to hide her wings but couldn't.
The beautiful woman approached her slowly.
Their eyes locked and it begun again.
The other woman started to change in front of her eyes.
She also grew wings but hers were pure white of starlight.
They both flew into the air until they reached the darkness of space.
When they saw a comet jetting across the sky they kissed.
Her wings started becoming more white.
She realized that this woman was her salvation.
After they kissed they started to become one.
She realized she didnt have to become a murderer.
She was her own person, not a pawn.
Walking slowly home in the midnight sun,
walking along the river of where to blood runs.
She looks down in her reflection that spins around and around in the blood.
She twirls the blood in her fingers.
She leans forward because the transformation has begun.
Wings sprout out of her back and pull her up in the air.
She turns around and looks dumbfounded.
Her "wings" have knives are covered in blood.
Later that evening she saw a beautiful woman.
She was pale as snow and her head red as fire.
She tried to hide her wings but couldn't.
The beautiful woman approached her slowly.
Their eyes locked and it begun again.
The other woman started to change in front of her eyes.
She also grew wings but hers were pure white of starlight.
They both flew into the air until they reached the darkness of space.
When they saw a comet jetting across the sky they kissed.
Her wings started becoming more white.
She realized that this woman was her salvation.
After they kissed they started to become one.
She begun to realize she doesn't have to become a murderer.
She is her own person, not a pawn.

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Agree wit Larry - stanzas would be better but a great story with some wonderful imagery.

  • 8 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Interesting story.
    I think if you break it into stanzas, each with its own themes, it would both articulate your story better and be more enticing to read.

    Also, the apparent murder seems to have occurred before the start of the poem, but there is nothing to connect her to the blood, no ownership or significant tie in.

    Nitpicking: 2nd line should read "river where the blood runs" or "river to where the blood runs"

    "spun" should be present tense "spins"

    "and covered" should be "and are covered"

    Finally, the latter part of the story is in the past tense, but most of the "earlier" part is in the present. Makes it seem the actions are reversed.

    Could use a rewrite & would be really good.

    • 8 years ago

      by The Moon Goddess

      Thank you for your help, I made some changes. Feel free to tell me anything I should work on in my writing.

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