Comments : You Are, I am...

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    Koan
    again you take us into our minds to invision your words of love. Excellent!

    Every eyes gaze towards your

    On this line try using

    Every eye gazes towards your...sounds just a little better.

    And I am

    a climbing Jasmine

    trying to open your arms wide,

    to drink the light from your ruby lips

    and dissolve within the hues of your

    sacred embrace

    The passion drips from your words. Warming the heart with the feelings of love.

    And when you move through

    a broken flute, that

    lies in the dust of oblivion,

    its ruined body once again

    breaks into a melodious instrument,

    stirring the air with

    blossoming notes of joy...

    This just paints a picture in the minds eye of how love can open up the soul of a body no longer feeling.

    And I am

    a Poet of Immortal Love

    And how true your words are my dear friend.
    Take care
    *hugs
    Cindy

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      You are so right with your suggestion!
      Thank you for pointing it out for me ~hugs~
      And thank you for reading me dear Friend!

  • 8 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    This is what you call a passionate and alluring love poem. Your choice of words and the pictures you paint with it simply enters the reader's world with ease. Its so hard to choose a favorite line or part because from start to finish this has been such a...sensual write! Lovely!

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you dear Poetess for reading me... Glad you enjoyed it!

  • 8 years ago

    by yogi73

    Vivid imagery and vivid emotions make this poem truly divine.

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you so much!

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Koan,

    I like the single line space between each line. It gives a fresh visual appeal.

    You are a blazing Soul-Dance

    rising from within the Sun,
    ^
    Nice imagery and projected emotion

    upon havens' rolling dome.
    ^
    Did you mean havens' or heavens'?

    Every eye gazes towards your

    clusters of graceful light

    that softly embraces

    thorns and petals equally,

    spreading True Kindness

    beyond our eyes

    to warm the soul
    ^
    Wonderful sentiment.

    And I am

    a climbing Jasmine
    ^
    Nice metaphor. I like Jasmine and its purple flowers.

    trying to open your arms wide,

    to drink the light from your ruby lips

    and dissolve within the hues of your

    sacred embrace
    ^
    Lovely imagery...

    You are Passion's Breathe
    ^
    Dis you mean breath (a single breath) or breathe (the act of breathing)?

    that feeds the flames of love's fire,

    that burns in the altar of universe.
    ^
    I like the wording here.

    And when you move through

    a broken flute, that

    lies in the dust of oblivion,
    ^
    and again.

    its ruined body once again

    breaks into a melodious instrument,

    stirring the air with

    blossoming notes of joy...
    ^
    Excellent.

    And I am

    a Poet of Immortal Love

    trying to harvest those winged songs

    into the basket of my heart
    ^
    Genius wording.

    from within I pour luminous verses

    upon the walls of your existence,

    words after words..
    ^
    All very good.

    Now, that I exhaled the essence of your beauty

    I must close my lips and eyes once again,

    and let silence turn thoughts and feelings into teardrops,
    ^
    This sounds so good spoken aloud.

    until the waves of syllables erupt

    and wash my soul ashore at your soul's coast...
    ^
    Very good indded.

    Koan, you have penned a lovely poem here. The metaphorical imagery and sentiment are wonderful.

    Well done.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you Michael for taking the time and read this poem. I believe I meant "heavens" ~smiles~Thanks again

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I counted so many ands in this poem, it simply killed it. maybe I should have private messaged you with a suggestion. Still, we are obviously in less than charitable moods tonight, Koan.

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      THis poem is so much beyond your so called poetry so I forgive you for down voting me

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    Alfred I had to come and read this poem once again. It is so beautiful. You are the love poet of the internet. You have felt and touched true love. It is portrayed in every word you pen.
    Love Cindy