Comments : A toll from afar

  • 5 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Hi Darren,

    Nice to read your work again.

    This poem speaks of a lot of internal suffering, a torment that goes unnoticed, perhaps?

    Any fool can be a plaything
    reaching new lows
    some might say deservedly
    every dream stupid, my mystery.

    ^^
    This reminds me of the sad behaviour of some young women who throw themselves away and most especially in the virtual world. No pride, no dignity and no brains, or so it seems....sad.

    Well done, well written!

    All the best,

    Ingrid
    ps: thank you for your kind comment to my latest poem:)

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Ingrid, nice to speak again.

  • 5 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I love the last stanza of this piece, Darren, and the whole poem is very clever and well written. As Ingrid says, lovely to see new work from you, as you are a very talented writer.
    All the very best,
    Ben

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks again Ben. Really appreciate your comments

  • 5 years ago

    by BeautifulSoul

    Carnivorous natural phenomenon
    agitates my well being
    not whispered
    cries blissfully, then waits
    ever bigger, then bigger still
    reaching once vital organs.

    ^ This stanza seems to be troubling from the inside out. I love how you used carnivorous. Self harm, yourself but it is coming from the inside, and it seems to grow bigger as each day passes. Depression will do that to us, sad but true, it always starts from the inside.

    Kind thoughts and bibles
    immune to secret suffering
    silent foetus of death
    serving a final meal

    ^ This is an interesting stanza, it seems to say that you are suffering alone and in silence, while kind words do affect how we feel, it always comes back, and there is no one not even a higher power that can truly help you but you. It always feels like a slow death that even wants to put us out of our misery. No one can see how we feel inside unless we tell someone.

    My swimming mind stagnates
    yearning to drown logical thinking

    Any fool can be a plaything
    reaching new lows
    some might say deservedly
    every dream stupid, my mystery.

    ^ I love this ending. When we are affected with mental illness, are logical mind goes put the window and we keep thinking about that one issue. We often keep dreams to ourselves, as we try to figure out what the meaning is. Overall this holds a darkness and sadness that a lot of people can relate to. 5/5

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks again mate. A great interpretation. Always appreciate your comments.

  • 5 years ago

    by Cindy

    Darren
    The sadness can be felt while reading your verse.

    My swimming mind stagnates
    yearning to drown logical thinking

    I love these 2lines very good imagery.

    Nice job!
    Take care Cindy

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Cindy, appreciate you taking the time to read and comment

  • 5 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Oh Darren.............

    You truly smacked down a dark one, didn't you?

    I flipping love this, not much I can say than what others have said before me... this piece is just brilliant.

    your word choices are perfect! love this!!!

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Maples, always appreciate your time and thoughts

  • 5 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I really relate to this feeling that many of us feel a need to hide in certain company ..if you know what I mean

    5>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • 5 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Michael, too true