Comments : Journal Poem under a Skylight

  • 3 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    This is just beautiful. Beautiful and sad and moving and I've read it three times already and I can't get enough! That first stanza is just priceless, shows that deep connection between you and the person you're writing about. It's just... I don't know. I just love this poem. So so much.

  • 3 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    "i think there's something about space and energy
    that ought to be said
    something about tears
    and tear tracks
    and souls
    and stains

    but honestly,
    i just love you. couldn't care less about poetry
    if you're not there to read it."

    Oh boy, Narph, you made me cry. Those last 3 lines hit home so hard. I recognize your heartbreaking grief. You can try to say everything you feel about someone and about the fear of losing them, or maybe the pain of having lost them, but no number of words can better express all the heavy, combative feelings than these 4: "I just love you." Also, the sentiment that "it," whatever it may be, doesn't matter if they're not here... Yes.

    This poem cuts deep. Anyone who has lost can find meaning in your words. I'm so sorry you're having to say goodbye to such a huge presence in your life... your grandma sounds magnificent, and altogether human. Like a very good human that I wish I could meet.

    Big hugs, Narph. I have to wash my face after crying up a storm. <3


  • 3 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Er yeah, sorry about that. It seems I commented on your poem and nominated it from the joint moderator account. Oops!

  • 3 years ago

    by hiraeth

    Judging comment:

    This piece is somewhere between prose and a honest journal entry, the author walks us through what I assume is true personal events and reflect on it in a poetic way. Its laden with verses that keeps echoing throughout my mind such as 'took my hand to the studio, put a paintbrush in it,/said,/go" and "but honestly,/I just love you. couldn't care less about poetry/if you're not there to read it.". The central concept of loss is apparent and cuts deep. Well-written piece.

  • 3 years ago

    by Em

    This is really moving. X

  • 2 years ago

    by Saerelune

    Hi there, I've been on a hiatus, but here's my judge's comment from a long long time ago:

    "Honesty can often kill or make a poem. We do not want to read something that's so sculpted till the extent of losing feeling, yet there are so many journal entries throughout the site it's hard to keep focus if it's not unique. However, I think Narph struck a nice balance between honesty and uniqueness with this poem.

    The opening pulled the reader straight in with their sense of melancholy. This quickly turned more personal and bittersweet as Narph throws in an inside-joke-kinda quote. I love the switch in perspective, like the reader's inside of the persona's head and watching a movie of memories. The overal mood seems very nostalgic and this is confirmed when details about the house resurface.

    Vulnerable moments of crying alone really pull the reader closer. The poem reads very easily, probably as intended: a journal entry. Yet the crisp details keep the reader interested, almost on the verge of prose-poetry.

    The ending lines, without doubt, are very strong and pull back the emotional, less prosy aspect of the poem. These are the kind of lines that make a poem memorable. Well done."