Comments : Secrets behind closed doors

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    "Once a victim, now he is the hunter"

    There so many good lines in this poem...

    Well, the whole poem comes together perfectly, it really melts into one...
    but the line I quoted above specially stands out to me

    This is a heart wrenching poem, while subtle in metaphors it still clear, and the audience can easily grasp the concept of it. It paints a clear image in the mind..

    Well done!

    • 8 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thank you Yakari for your time. I appreciate it.
      Jay

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Jay

    Another important piece from you here that needs to be read and taken notice of. I love the imagery you conjure with your similes and metaphors throughout, particularly "like a foetus refusing to leave the womb"

    Well done and all the best
    Ben

    • 8 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thank You Ben!!

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Jay, many more people need to read this. I have been through domestic violence and it's torture because many people are not understanding of why you stayed etc but it is difficult to leave but I was lucky enough to escape before we got married yet many people aren't as fortunate with finding their inner strength.

    Don't lay a hand on her body
    Don't break any skin.
    Keep her cowering for ever
    Plundering her sleep.
    ^^
    This opening stanza is so pure in it's essence to describe that no-one should never touch a lady in this way and likewise men shouldn't be hurt this way either as it does happen just not reported as often.

    The banging of the cupboards
    The thrashing of furniture
    A kick on the headboard
    And rustling of the sheets
    Ensures she is wide awake
    And her heart is in her throat.
    ^^
    This is heart wrenching because this is usually how it begins, just built up anger and then things get rougher so they decide to lay their hands on you to make themselves feel better. I can imagine this lady stand still and even time just stop because she knows he I'd angry and what awaits her.

    The ranting and raving goes on
    Unknown to him his neurosis deepens
    As night moves on into darkness
    The vile and evil of his past abuses
    Starts bubbling and oozing out of his mouth
    While she lies there tormented and cringing
    Curled up tight like a foetus
    Refusing to leave the womb
    ^^
    This is a very imagery filled piece. This lady here is curled tight to stop the blows from coming but they still arrive and they still hurt but you mustn't cry because he'll get angrier. The words I feel are the worst art because they stick with us forever whereas the physical stuff can heal although not be forgotten. The night turning to dark is really affective here.

    Once a victim, now he is the hunter
    All night he claws at her mind and shreds her soul to bits
    And respite comes only with the first ray of dawn.
    Like a released tormented Prisoner of War
    Stumbling in her wake she moves down another day
    While he sleeps peacefully like an innocent child.
    ^^
    The use of the abused becoming the hunter is so affective here because many of them were abused as children but it doesn't give them the right to turn to hunter. Again, the imagery is something else the fact he is clawing at her mind with his words just wow because as I said those words will stay on her mind forever even if you try and forget them.

    As night approaches
    And body demands its rest
    Stiff as a board there she lies
    Afraid to surrender to sleep
    Waiting for the foot falls on the stairways
    To Come closer and closer to haunt.
    ^^
    The not being able to sleep until you hear their key in the lock, steps on the stairs because even if you're asleep he will wake you so it's best to stay awake at least then you know what's coming.

    In broad day light
    The world sees them
    As a perfect couple so cordial and so right
    No visible sign of violence
    A secret so well kept.
    ^^
    Very true. Nobody knows what goes on indoors.

    Em