With You

I never believed in love, because love to me was seeing my parents complete any obstacle together just to end up in an endless maze. The screaming and yelling, or throwing of objects. Being only five years old, getting to watch my father get himself wasted enough to feel numb. Slurring words while my mother was left to hide in different rooms crying away anything she felt. Love was when they finally split apart, and nearly thirteen years later, he's made it to his 3rd engagement while she's only seen one man that ended up sharing the same name as him. Love was how they now refuse to stay in the same room together, and the only words out of her mouth anymore are insults about him until she has to see him again just to pick up my sister due to the joint-custody agreement.
Love was going to school and being so scared i'd be caught scarfing down my lunch in the big bathroom stalls while i tried to avoid the friends that would have taken it, cut and bruise me for not giving it up since i was fat enough already. Love was crying my way through the bullying i was blind toward until i could finally make it home to the comfort of my own space, ending up pushed around by my brother and my sister repeatedly telling me to kill myself.
Love to me is the year and a half i spent with my girlfriend. All the fighting and disagreements. The cheating on me because i was tired of only being invited over to be someone to get off to, the pushing around and threats of suicide. Love is the constant change of heart because she'd met someone more stable, more attractive. It's the second thoughts about leaving me when things stopped working with the others and crawling right back into my arms just because she knew i just couldn't refuse.
Love to me has been all the people that come into my life, and turn it around. The ones that give me the promise of happiness but gradually lose interest, and disappear.
But with you..
With you, maybe there's this twisted hope in my mind or these mind controlling butterflies filling my lungs and stomach. Maybe i find myself thinking about you on multiple occasions, or noticing my fingers can't help but to caress my lips after they've been given the chance to kiss yours. Maybe i catch myself trying to avoid looking at you, because i know i'll get lost in your glowing bright blue eyes. With you, it feels like i'm some character in this god awful romance movie, because fireworks keep exploding throughout my days. Maybe love isn't all the pain i've been conditioned to believe in but maybe instead it's the way that i'm starting to think about how i could be, or how i'm certain that i am falling in love with you.