Comments : Pessimistic Life

  • 3 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    There is much we want in this life and no matter how hard we try to be positive and move ahead there is always society and its traditional thoughts and stubborn-ess which kills whatever wishes we wish to live..I can understand the frustration in these words.

    I always feel that life is a jail
    And only God will give me bail
    People say just live with smiles
    You can walk far and far miles

    ^^You can walk many miles sounds better
    and add a comma at the end.

    In this life, there is much sorrow
    And happiness, people can't borrow

    ^^Here I feel rather then saying "and" happiness you
    can add but happiness people can't borrow. Also
    a coma after in this life is not needed I feel. So it will
    read like this: In this life there is much sorrow
    but happiness..people can't borrow

    Property is a vital part as per men
    Hence, respect, they can not gain,

    ^^You can try this:
    Property is a vital part for man
    Or respect they cannot gain,

    There is nothing in this ruined life
    Hence, to end me, I want knife

    ^^Or you can write:
    There is nothing in this ruined life
    for me, to end give me a knife,

    But seriously life can throw all sorts of rubbish and ending your life is not going to produce any result. Instead we have to stand up and face the challenges!

    Here, people do the biggest fraud

    ^^Don't need a coma after here

    They abuse other's religion & God
    Here, no one is ready to help other

    ^^Don't need to repeat here again instead you can write: No one is ready to help each other
    And child has wish to be a father

  • 3 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Another good write, Mahesh. A fully packed poem.