Comments : Farewell

  • 5 years ago

    by D.

    I would nominate this if I had the privilege. I enjoy the simplicity and differing flow in both stanzas. It’s really professionally formed, and the language flows freely, allowing the reader to understand the persona more,

    • 5 years ago

      by ddavidd

      Thanks The Prince. I appreciate your time and your views

  • 5 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is just beautiful Dd...although, once again I suggest that you centre it???

    I surrendered all my memories,
    the fallen leaves of my life,
    like my father's ashes,
    to the wind,
    until they faded into thin air,
    upon the rainbow
    across an abyss
    curbing death and life.

    Now
    the only memory
    the only residue
    is you:
    the world with no reminiscence
    the world of transparency * this line could be changed to "a world of transparency" I think...as this is the 4th 'the' in the stanza

    after
    all the dusts
    have settled.

    Now
    I can see
    my true
    father.

    Just me knit picking again my friend :)

    • 5 years ago

      by ddavidd

      Thanks Hellon I think you're right