You force a lot of rhyme here, and it’s kind of unfortunate because I like the idea, and the energy behind it. I mean, I’m not anti-rhyme, but the restructuring of sentence formation is distracting if it’s done a lot? Maybe it’s a style thing I need to get used to lol. The message is a positive one, and something we can all adhere to. I like a lot about this poem, despite my comments. Maybe I need to hear it spoken to appreciate it more.
It was one of those that was written in the early hours when I couldn't sleep. I had it in my head and just spilled it out. As is often the case with what I write. Things flow or they don't! This just kept going.
I'll admit it kinda flashes in and out and is not an easy read, but it was an easy write. Also yes! When I read a poem out loud it's completely different to the way it reads.
I've only done this once and it was in front of 50 people. Was I nervous? Dam right I was!.