Comments : Out of my mind.

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    That doubt and depravity at the end leaves the reader feeling haunted. There's a sense of hopelessness and like you're trying so hard to protect others even if it means trapping yourself. So that even the devil doesn't want to reach something that will self-destruct, which makes me think how the devil can be seen as a entity that manipulates, but if there is nothing malleable to begin with... like you have given up. The pain travels everywhere.

    Two things: just my opinion but I feel like a few lines could have been separated so it flows more smoothly and if it was a logical line break, not as many commas would be needed. Also, second to last line: "as" should be "us".

    Powerful write but also disturbing how our mind can convince us that others are better of without our impact.

    • 5 years ago

      by Blank

      I think you captured the summary of this poem perfectly, I always love reading your comments as they're so insightful and helpful.
      Thank you for spotting that grammar mistake, silly me.