Comments : Message Of Love Poem

  • 6 months ago

    by Abstract Poet

    This poem I wrote about my ex-boyfriend this was a conversation we had on Facebook messager. He told me how he felt about me. I told him how I feel about him we started dating each other again. We were together for 2 years and broke up after that.

  • 6 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I know you mentioned this that was a conservation between the two of you. The flow felt off in this and parts had me confused which I will go into further. Please keep in my mind these are only my "technical" critiques, this is still your poem and it's beautiful you're writing again and sharing these emotions, this love story and its journey.

    Number one thing that I noticed: I'm not sure this back and forth worked for this poem. Stating that you "wrote back my message to you I said" completely took me out of this and read more like a journal entry.

    Number two: you changed tenses a few times which confused me as a reader.

    I think this felt stiff as a poem and would be more emotionally open and vulnerable if you took inspiration from your conversation and either wrote from his perspective (all that he told you that you may have not known or that he validated) or from your perspective and SHOW more than tell. Let the reader into the memories you shared, not just that you can't stop thinking about him or that you're happy you finally had a boyfriend.

    I think more imagery could have highlighted the emotion instead of these paragraphs that seemed to repeat themselves. Or even looking back at this love, and realizing that at the time you thought it would be an everlasting love, but reflect on how or why you moved on.

    Although this was personal, I didn't FEEL the intensity of this relationship or connect. If you could, instead of writing paragraphs of the text or conversation, give more detail as to your relationship, instead of scratching the surface so to speak and giving barely anything to go by like for instance this line which left me wondering: "it was over me wanting to date my own kind."

    It's neat you have remnants of this conversation but as a poem, it didn't create enough conflict or hold enough depth to truly impact the reader and give them something unique about why this love, and dating again, meant so much. Just my opinion though, feel free to disregard, I simply wanted to read and give feedback :)

  • 5 months ago

    by =The-Fairy-Mary-Poppins=

    fell not fall it's the right word to be fixed, the conversation is nice but I don't when or who is speaking when and when it changes till the names make a line to change it or her/him and it would be better but I do love reading this the emotions are sweet if not sad. This is what happens to love it always lingers on even though it hurts after a while, but you have a hoyfriend so congrats! :)