Comments : New Dawn (Darcy’s Sonnet)

  • 3 months ago

    by Jamie

    There is a lot to like about this piece. The first thing I noticed is the title. There is much to be said about this because you could interpret the title in many ways. The thing from personal experience I take from the title is starting over or starting anew in the morning. I think of dawn as early morning and it is possible that this person had a rough night or a rough life before hand, And decided to start over and change something in their life. I am drawn to the title because I have been through that a lot, so it is very relatable.

    Okay from reading the first four lines, this sets up to be a poem about something in the past and there is a lot of pain that is told. You set it up well.

    The whole poem speaks of pain as I said and it seems like this person is struggling inwardly instead of outward. I love the message of the poem, because it seems that the shackles are holding you back and you have the key to unlocking them. We often chain ourselves and don't know how to get rid of them.

    The last two lines are my favorite because it speaks of hope and a better life. and that is why I think this is like a poem is a motivation of starting over. The rhyming was great and flowed so well with the poem.

    The one thing I will point out that I didn't really like is in the 12th line "I know" is used twice and that took away the flow of the poem for me. but otherwise this was great.

  • 3 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Thanks, Jamie, I always appreciate your feedback. X

  • 2 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Wow man, just wow.. You keep fighting the good fight good man :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    This sounds like a new beginning to me. All the very best. Hugs

  • 2 months ago

    by Daniel

    There’s a real sense of biting purpose here. A lot of raw energy and towards the end, the poem shines, and I must say it’s an effective use of the sonnet form.

    I enjoyed the idea of fighting a raging sea, and the courage sewn into the words. Maybe it’s just me but:

    ‘It’s time to breathe an air that doesn’t choke.‘

    Unless ‘choke’ is used after ‘I’ or ‘you’, I always feel it needs an object? I would never say ‘this air is choking’, it’d be ‘this air is choking me’. Of course, poetic license but I found this line a little disquieting. The use of ‘an’ before air seemed a bit forced to meet the syllable count too.

    The last line too, already having ‘me’ as a subject of the sentence, would it not make more sense to say ‘a new identity for me is claimed’? Just a thought.

    The rest of the sonnet I enjoyed immensely. A great piece, Michael!

    • 2 months ago

      by - Mr. Darcy

      Daniel, thank you for this in depth comment. I like your suggestions too. I will chew over them and see how they taste.
      Praised.

  • 2 months ago

    by Everlasting

    This sounded like a slap in the face.

    My reaction as I was reading was ,” dangggg...” (forgive my expression. I couldn’t help it).

    Just one question,
    What do you mean by Darcy’s sonnet?
    Are you creating your own rules? Other than that, I find this a great read. The ending was intense.

  • 2 months ago

    by Mark

    Great win!

  • 1 month ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    I'm a bit late to the party Mr D, but wow! Obviously I know perfectly well what this is about and I say go ahead, cast the name to hell and be reborn!
    I'm so glad this was a win for you xx
    =^.^=

  • 6 hours ago

    by Abstract Poet

    Did you make this up I mean Darcy's Sonnet?
    I love this poem it was beautiful

    Congratulations on the win too!

    ~Abstract Poet~