Comments : Grandma Grey

  • 6 months ago

    by Daniel

    Your poetry is so refreshingly fun to read. You are imaginative, and quirky, and I'm not sure there's anyone on this website like you! This poem is, as always, fun, but suffers a little here and there because of some forced rhyme, and grammar issues.

    'She's an agent for the Crown
    catching criminals is her stance'

    'Stance' is an odd choice. Stance isn't used to talk about occupation, but rather about opinion, or outlook on a subject? I understand your meaning, but it doesn't sound natural, compared to the majority of the rest of the poem.

    There's also a grammar error here:

    'Grandma Grey is the greatest slueth
    She won't give up until she won'

    Should be 'sleuth' and 'until she wins'. Since you're not talking about the past, it's incorrect.

    'Armed to the neck', should be 'armed to the teeth'? unless you wanted to invent a new phrase! That's also fine. :)

    I would very much like to meet your grandma. She sounds like an excellent character!

  • 6 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Thank you Daniel for your feedback and critique. It really helped to get a different perspective on things. I agree that "stance" is usually thought of in those ways but I guess why I chose it was I was thinking that her attitude of catching criminals was more than just a job was her driving moral force but I see your point - have changed that to "Spotting Criminals at a glance" so thank you for that.

    The second point was a typo (sorry) was supposed to have an "s" (She's) in which case the won works.
    Finally the Armed to the neck was deliberate - "To the teeth" is what leaps to mind initially but then visions of an elderly lady armed to the teeth (which could well be false and liable to tall out at inopportune moments) and the fact that it is rather cliche - I decided instead that"to the neck" would suffice lol.
    Thanks again for taking the time to comment. best wishes Milly x

  • 6 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    It's always refreshing to read an imaginative piece. Nans are cool, especially from a grandchilds perspective. This would make a great series of children's books. X