Comments : Return (Fading Back)

  • 4 months ago

    by hiraeth

    Just some suggestions on line breaks, and punctuation/typos:

    "You see it, I think
    in my eyes,
    the forlorn need to go,
    to let go of the chains
    that have [been?] bound too tight
    for too long.

    You’ve glimpsed it,
    the shadow in my soul
    and hollow gaze,
    the tears they break out
    of the mask I put them behind.

    You fear my flirting with the edge
    and pull my eyes to you,
    my arms to you,
    my lips to you.

    As I was into the mist you pull me back,
    walk by my side
    so I [wander] not too far."

    That being said, I love this response. It goes back to the post-wedding that you mentioned in the first poem, and opened up to the readers about the vulnerability and fear that comes with it. But here you write to its benefits; having someone who will unconditionally follow you and bring you back when you veer to the edge.

    The other poem had a bit of a 'prophetic' vibe to it, as MaryAnne so eloquently put it. But this poem feels more of a testimonial, the gratitude in this poem is evident in each and every word. While the other poem felt dark, hopeless this is anything but.

    I'm glad you've returned, and there's some one there to pull you back. Thank you for sharing.