I have always known that tomorrow is not promised, so that should've been all the reason I needed to just live in today. For years you told me I'd miss you when you were gone and it wasn't til just recently that I truly understood what you were trying to say. I got so wrapped up in what I thought should be happening tomorrow that I missed an entire day. To say the least I know that I should've checked in with you more often than I did anyway. You're not gone as in gone forever at some point you will be coming home where you belong. Nothing about this entire year has gone exactly right, and just about every thing has went some kind of wrong. I transfixed my gaze into the nothing, as I hit the bong. The whole time that I felt like I was weak, I pretended to be strong. I didn't realize I really did possess the strength I desired all along. I wish you were really here, not just in my heart, and my prayers, and on my mind. Mom, there is no one else in the world that is quite like you. You're a one of a kind. I'm sorry that I didn't see, what you wanted me to back then, but now it's crystal clear. I love and miss you so I will do my best to let it show however long either one of us, is destine to be here. You've been my best friend, since I was barely 18, and in you I could confide. I could tell you anything I wanted, and you would not judge me. You'd just assure me that if I needed you, that no matter what, you'd be by my side. Things have had me making them out to be much more complex than they were, just because you weren't here to hear me tell you how I felt. I was having a hell of a time dealing with the shitty hand that by fate I had been delt. I know that you're probably going though something similar at this moment as well. I will be right there beside you Mom when you walk out of your hell. Never again will I take for granted, how blessed I am to have a mom that always will love her children with her whole heart. Even when the world she had built for herself starts falling apart. Mom I will always be your ride or die. We both know that when it comes to you, I can not lie. At least not lie and have you believe the bullshit I wanted you to buy. Keep your head up Mom, bad times don't last always, they eventually come to pass. If by some chance before it's over, you have felt like those bad times, kicked your ass, I will be only too happy to give you a hand to love and cherish you, and in general try to understand. Come home, safely to me, Mom, I pray it's sooner rather than later, That is on the real. 100 Straight. Just follow the meandering river, we both imagine when we consider our fate. Then no doubt we will be brought together faster. then if we had went against the grain. Or sped up time quicker than it should go. Just remember how much I miss you, Mom and don't forget I love you so.