I haven't seen you post since the summer, so this is a treasure, seriously.
My heart aches for you, for the mourning and this back and forth pull of the darkness. It's utterly exhausting, and I can almost hear that tremble in your voice. I love how you described the rawness and jolt of being taken from that comfortably numb state that many of us are familiar with, to the starkness of the grief. Not being able to process it. Or fight it. Or hold it back from engulfing you.
Your wording is so powerful in this, how it can peel back the softest parts of you, the progress you've made, and you wonder if it will always continue like this.
Your voice in this is mesmerizing and very thought-provoking as to what this U-turn will do for you. Is it an escape, an avoidance as you mentioned, or are you allowed moments of freedom from being pulled back into the memories and past?
Very daunting piece, Megan. Glad to see you posting here again and hope to read more.