Comments : Midnight Rambles

  • 4 years ago

    by prasanna

    "melts in her mouth as fast" i feel like it should be "melts in her mouth just as fast" to be a bit more clear. I like the seeming callback to your earlier poem about imperfect visible light.

    "It isn't the night nor the shadows
    she created, that makes her
    strangle herself every night
    in her own dream."

    I think the comma is unneeded. I like this piece, there's an allure to it since it's vague and makes one think about what is it that disturbs her sleep.

    • 4 years ago

      by Star

      Thanks you are right :)

  • 4 years ago

    by prasanna

    double post sorry.

  • 4 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Wonderful use of metaphor, STAR. Sorry I missed this. In fact, sorry I have been a little quieter in general. Life gets in the way sometimes...

    Take care.

    • 4 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you Ben it really has been a while :)
      It’s alright everyone has been busy lately!