Comments : Blank, broken and beautiful

  • 4 years ago

    by ddavidd

    very enchanting concept you poetically developed in this.
    My only criticism would be: if all your future is the paper inside a fortune cookie, how com the fortune cookie itself become you in the next line?: " break mee..."
    The connection is not prepared yet , if you say okay you meant you are a fortune cookie and your future is that paper. You only established the first part in your lines up to there.
    This is a minor and my opinion could be wrong look at it with a grain of salt.

    The political moment are so great and so many in this piece: " solid like a warrior, but riddled
    with unsolved crimes against myself."

    these lines are core of your tale in this piece: " I am a whitespace because I've smashed
    my body into pieces, tracing each edge
    to find the perfect storyline." -->> "My face is ..."

    with the grand and and completely right conclusion : "I am a work of art
    because I was once broken."

    You have it in you dear Saerelune. Thanks for sharing your works