Comments : napowrimo 19 - Collateral Damage

  • 4 months ago

    by hiraeth

    "I am numbed by platitudes,
    and you're a classical piece of art
    that no longer moves me."

    between this part and the last stanza, I'm just absolutely floored.

  • 3 months ago

    by Violet Raven

    One thing I've noticed in your poetry is that you use very few filler words and to me it works with your poems because the lines themselves are extremely powerful. Punctuation for pausing helps let the poem and reader breath a little and think about each line especially in a longer poem like this.

    I love the metaphors and wordplay in the first stanza here. It sets the poem up beautifully without taking away the emotion you wanted the reader to see. This person was cold and negative towards you and even without their physical presence there is a chill that runs through you. Your windows to the soul are broken and inside it is algid.

    After the storm has passed all seems calm but you know for certain that it will come back. The rage and hate are building in the second stanza. You showcase well the damage the first storm caused.

    I love the use of the word cliche here. Usually it is overused but it convays a meaning i rarely see in poetry. You use it to describe human emotions. This person is a cliche in the sense that they do this over and over possibly everyday.

    Go away and if you come back be a new person. You want this person to change colors and start fresh from a white easel. But the ending is a little bit of a twist. Because in your heart of hearts you know no matter how much change occurs the storm will come again.