Comments : Jumbled

  • 1 month ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    For a poem titled, jumble, this rang true for me
    Nominated for this week's competition.
    Good luck

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The title was perfect for this, and the staccato tone of some of these lines. The first line gave me shivers, I loved the abstract quality of it. And I read it as books holding you up, their spines merging with yours, and your reliance on words to feel heard/understood. I liked the symmetry of the new few lines "for a tongue, lips, heart". The fervor and bond of a blood pact, the invitation in the lips, and the mesmerizing imagery of a sea glass beach, but realizing the shards that can hurt, either loving and knowing there is a chance you will be hurt, or being loved and having to sort through the chaos of it.

    "so beaten, so soft" - the contradiction here, it made me think of how "beaten" could be interpreted literally, or how I took it as being vulnerable and having to lower the walls, and also realize what you deserve. Someone who is worn down by the world yet still has the gentleness in her heart, and faith in this love.

    I love the meaning of the last few lines, like we can have so much to say, words at the ready for all circumstances and how we feel on that around us, but this love stops you. A full stop from grabbing immediate words. It leaves you breathless.

    The title reflected the complications of love, and also accepting it and letting down our guard, knowing that we are more susceptible to emotions and being swallowed whole by them.

    My only suggestion would be experimenting with other punctuation, instead of a comma at the end of every line? Maybe a dash, or even less punctuation, where the poem would still make sense (like in the so beaten, yet so soft part since you already put them on separate lines) and touch on the "run on sentences" part.

  • 1 month ago

    by Michael

    Congratulations ERS.
    A wonderful use of metaphors, that explode images of tough times in life.
    Keep writing:) M

  • 1 month ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I'm so glad that this piece won. Good job!

  • 1 month ago

    by Brenda

    Congratulations on your win! This is such a awesome write.

  • 1 month ago

    by Keira Pickard

    Congratulations on your win! This is an excellent poem.

  • 1 month ago

    by Skyfire

    Many congratulations! I love the simplicity and complexity that are all wrapped up in one write.