So raw and honest. Poems like this make my heart ache, but it's beautiful that you visit your friend, though I am sorry for your loss. Remembering them, and bringing them their favorite things (jacket, hot cocoa), is incredibly touching. The "save a spot for me at the table" is moving too. To hope that we can see them again, not anytime soon, but when it's time. That you can be reunited in some way again. I think there can be a lot of guilt in processing grief, but I can only hope you've found peace within yourself, not being as hard on yourself or thinking too much on the "what if"s that can haunt us.

Thank you for sharing this with us.