You know when you try to comment, and you're afraid you'd say the wrong words so you dont?
Including this I've been going over that with few of your poems, older ones even. So if I say anything wrong I'm sorry I'm sorry I dont mean it....
First of all why wont people care? I'm a stranger to you right?
If I know of anyone who is struggling, even a stranger I would care. What if it was someone who loves you why won't they care?
Also what you feel isn't stupid, it's human plus that's what makes you who you are.
I don't know what you're going through, I don't know you. I know your poetry, and from that I can tell you're a fighter and a strong woman!!
Although this is sad, I applaud the courage you have for sharing this, it is truly powerful :)
A title with a punch. "My demise" this warns the reader of the sad content. An author whose life is slipping.
The imagery in the first line put the reader in that bedroom and your headspace. The stained pillow gives the necessary evidence of sleepless nights, alone and in tears. The second part of the first stanza is a real kick, especially the last line. My thoughts on this are: People may not be aware, whilst others are at a loss of how to help. Either way, it is understandable that when going through such hardship, feeling unwanted/ uncared for. I must commend you for the flow of this stanza. Each line flows to the next, not too many syllables. I do like the way you put: "I'm OK" in speech marks, though i might suggest an addition of an explanation mark.
In the next stanza, the "clutching" and "hanging" are words that make an excellent job of describing the struggle; as does the "head above water" the imagery of just trying to get through life, day by day and not feel the weight of it pushing you further into the dark waters is excellent. I would like to suggest a slight alteration on the last 2 lines, just to keep the nice flow of the preceding 2 lines: How to keep a head above water, when each day i feel dread.
Moving on, this stanza, i feel, is so personal, that advising tweaks would be wrong. As much as the flow i not perfect, this, perhaps, shows the reader the struggle of life vs the struggle of expression. The admission of allowing others to disrespect/ disregard you is real. Being honest with yourself is the first stage, then being honest with others, so this poem is a good move towards being honest with those who are supposed to be 'friends'. My advice, be brave and ask for what you need. Back to the poem - the suggestion that your family would struggle to find what to write for your eulogy is shocking on 2 counts. Firstly, as much as i know little about you, i do know that you are widely regarded as one of the sweetest, kindest people on this site. Secondly, your family would only struggle to write your eulogy due to their tears and difficulty to keep in from running on too long. As for the idea that you are even considering death is wrenching. I hope you have many years ahead and outlive me.
The last stanza has anger and this is good! Anger is an emotion you are deserved to feel. I know we are in lock down, but friends can still keep in touch. If they know your health is in 'sudden demise' and you've asked them to support you, then they really are not worth your friendship. Your anger here is for them, and as much as you may not see them again, you would have been true to you.
Em, or is it now "Emi" let me know. I want to say 'well dome' for getting this off your chest. I know life is hard, but living alone, being unwell and finding that friends are vacant when you need them most, take hardship to another level.
All the best and thank you for all your support you offer to me and this site. ((hugs)) xx
Even when it seems that people don't care, they nearly always do.
In order for other people to not worry about you, sometimes you just pretend that you are ok when, really, you feel terrible. And when the pretences start to slip, you start to worry about other people more than yourself. Sometimes, though, it's best to let it all out in whatever form that's most relieving, whether it's talking to a friend or writing about it. Even taking some time to yourself - not that hard to do during lock down, haha. But, in all seriousness, thinking over the problem and whatever you think needs to be fixed helps a lot.
A well rhymed and worded, heartfelt poem, with a hard - hitting, powerful title and context.
Lots of love and support, X