Comments : Truthful musings

  • 3 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Welcome back! Great to see you on here again.

    It's always an interesting juxtaposition, the light and dark. Suffering and success. How we move forward, but how we often can't do so without the weight of everything else. And it can be hard to find or hold on to that balance on what we can handle.

    "Baby hold open
    your hand for me
    to take and stab.

    I swore I'd never lie
    but that didn't mean
    It wouldn't involve

    - A very visual, and jolting, start to the poem. I almost feel you could have started off with the second stanza and omit the first, or do more "show" then "telling" to imply that the truth, while valued and important especially in relationships, can still come with its own pain and responsibility. Honesty can be a daunting thing to accept.

    "If this represents
    nothing else, it's
    that nothing comes
    without suffering."

    - So true. It's like we can't escape suffering; it follows us all, in varying degrees, maybe some more than others, but it's always there in the background at least.

    "Beauty while grand
    comes with a prize."

    - Did you mean another word other than prize? Like beauty comes with pain, with drawbacks, etc.

    "Darkness often shows
    what it takes to do,
    while the light leaves
    you in the ironically dark
    side making you walk
    blindly around."

    - I didn't feel like you needed the last two or three lines, since I think it's implied and doesn't need to be so heavily stated.

    "Now don't look at me
    like that! I am a being
    made by the things
    that pushed me into this
    way. Just like I'll make you
    into what you'll eventually be.

    This I swear."

    - Kind of a foreboding end here. I like the change in tone, and the realization that past traumas and experiences shape you into the character you are, and you'll leave your impact on this person as well. That it's inevitable and can't be avoided.

    Thanks for sharing this!